Selamat hari jadi berbulan bulan Sayang, semoga Tuhan selalu mengawetkan kita.

3 months feels like seconds.

9 November 2011. 3 bulan yang lalu, hari jadi kita.

tapi aku masih gak ngerasa aman. let's make it clear, i'm not your first. neither are you. aku punya masa lalu, kamu juga kan? aku bahkan gatau harus mulai dari mana, kamu bahkan mungkin gak bakal baca ini. tapi kamu tau kan aku takut ama malem?

sekarang aku ketakutan, aku gak tau harus kemana. aku nangis, aku gak ada yang nemenin. sekarang kamu lagi tidur, aku bahkan gak bisa buat bangunin kamu.

aku kepikiran banyak hal, i'm worried about too many little things i shouldn't think about. and this is killing me, Ram.

aku bahkan gak tau apa yang aku takutin, apa yang aku raguin. but so many questions, doubts, and if-onlys are spinning around my head. they are slowly stabbing my heart.

jangan tanya aku kenapa aku nangis, aku bahkan gak tau kenapa aku ngeluarin air mata. aku juga gak tau kenapa aku sedih.

mau aku ngetik sepanjang novel juga gak akan bisa aku keluarin semua yang ada di otakku kalo malem, aku benci malem, aku benci sendirian di saat malem, aku benci ngerasain dingin sendirian di saat malem.

aku takut kalo aku selama ini kebanyakan nuntut, aku terlalu manja, terlalu banyak maunya. kalo aku gak sebaik yang kamu pikir, kalo ada orang yang lebih baik dari aku, lebih cantik, lebih kaya, lebih pinter, lebih asik, lebih gaul, lebih segalanya dari aku. masih kamu milih aku?

i'm easily get jealous. i do admit. i just have no guts to say it directly to you.

aku tau semua yang terjadi sama kamu, bahkan sebelum kamu yang kasih tau. i seem like don't care, don't really understand, or not taking it as a big deal. but trust me, it really does kill me inside.

kamu bisa kan jaga perasaan aku? aku gak bilang kamu gak pernah jaga baik baik perasaan ku, but i have to say, you're not really good at taking care of my feeling. and i'm scared. i feel unprotected. i feel insecure.

gak ram, bukan kamu yang bikin aku kaya gini. malem aja nih yang bikin aku kesel, kenapa sih ada malem, cuman bisa bikin aku takut. aku takut tiba tiba besok kamu udah bukan milik aku, kamu tiba tiba menghilang, atau aku yang ninggalin dunia? beneran kan aku gatau apa yang terjadi abis malem.

aku bahkan gatau inti dari post ini apa, aku gatau apa yang harus aku bilang. aku cuman ketakutan, aku nulis aja berharap tiba tiba aku ngantuk ditengah tulisan dan aku bisa tidur tenang mimpi indah dan bangun besoknya dengan semuanya masih seindah hari ini. tapi ternyata engga, aku masih melek dijam segini, bentar lagi masuk hari baru, dan aku masih gak bisa pejamin mata. aku masih takut.

how i wish you were here Ram. hugging me in your arms, pushing me to your chest, and you kissing my forehead. the only place i could get high.

so, goodnight Ram. aku berharap besok kamu masih ada buat aku, "tell me tomorrow is gonna be as beautiful as today"

"Haha sekelas lu entar ama gue di IPS!" PART III

part III, ya you know will talk about Paskib :)

Organisasi, dan Ekskul yang gak kalah seru ama osis,

PASKIBRA SMAN 21

pasti temen temen smp gue banyak yang gak nyangka gue bisa masuk paskib, jangan tanya juga ama gue kenapa gue masuk paskib. diotak gue juga gak mikir apa apa waktu tunjuk tangan pas ditanya siapa yang mau masuk paskib, 70% karena bujukan Kak Prya kali ya, 30% hem ya you know lah siapa lelaki ganteng yang ada dipaskib~

inget waktu di smp gue cadangannya paskib, karena dulu kan osis diutamakan buat jadi paskib. terus walaupun waktu itu cadangan dibutuhin, gue gak turun lapangan karena gue gak tahan panas, cups emang gue tau. tapi jujur dari dulu gue paling excited kalo udah liat pasukan pengibar bendera, enak banget diliatnya. rapih, kompak, tegas, keren banget demi deh. makanya di sma, mau gue ampe segosong apa di lapangan, mau gue cape banget abis latihan, mau tangan gue ampe gemeteran bawa baki. gue udah tekad kasi yang terbaik buat paskibra sman 21

pertama kali gue formasi, itu pas buat pelantikan. posisi gue baris pertama banjar kedua, pembawa baki. gak segampang yang gue pikirin, dan baki gak seringan yang keliatannya. gue dikasi pr ama kaka kaka buat ngelatih tangan supaya kuat ya push up dirumah. denger itu rada males, gue aja gak bisa pushup, ajegile kalo pushup tiap hari dirumah, tapi karena tekad, kemauan yang besar buat tampil bagus di pelantikan, pushup tiap hari pun dilaksanakan

walaupun formasi pelantikan bisa dibilang gagal, ikiki maaf ya. tapi tetep bangga lah, inget kan kita bikin formasi itu di kantin ampe sore banget terus hujan besar terus kita bingung pulang gimana? hehe thankyou for that moment, gue ketawa banyak banget hari itu. yang kedua, formasi buat perdana kita ditonton semua siswa siswi sman 21 cukup bikin gue puas, walaupun belom bisa sempurna. pengalaman dari kalian buat gue udah cukup sempurna :)

sama prosesnya kaya OSIS, setiap sabtu ada pelatihan sebelum kita menuju pelantikan. maaf ya 27, gue gak bisa ikut pengukuhan pertama yang denger denger oke punya~ maaf ya 27, emang gue ga terlalu banyak waktu bareng kalian. maaf ya 27, emang gue sering ijin kalo ada latian. maaf ya 27, gue gabisa yang kaya kalian harepin buat nyampe ke gladian central dan ikutan seleksi paskibraka :')

walaupun gak terlalu banyak waktu gue abis ama kalian, tapi gue tetep seneng kok punya kalian. 27 anggota di angkatan 27, pas banget ama angka kesukaan gue. i know you guys are meant to be mine

makasih ya Guruh yg paling disayang ;) , Pedly yg dimana ada gue ada dia, Ovi yg perhatian, Yodi yg sering bantuin gue, Agita yg sweet, Juliet yg cantik, Dipta yg sering bikin ngakak, Alam yg gak pernah lupa ama gue, Niko yg suka sok ganteng, Taufiq yg suka ngisengin di fb chat, Fajri yg pikirannya luar biasa, Ajeng yang selalu optimis, Mukti yang hobinya ngelawak, Dityo yg tinggi menjulang, Kartika yg ngangenin dan sisanya Stanley, Diah, Shendy, Faradina, Audy, Rezky, Faradis, Imes, Ayu, Ray, David yang gak kalah hebat. kalian emang pasukan special, yegak ;)

apa yang ditulis di buku angkatan, gue bakal sedih banget inget buku itu. makasih udah kasih gelar tereksis, tersemangat ya? ter apa lagi ya.. ter asik ya? haha lupa gue, pokoknya makasih banget ama gelar gelar yang dikasi, it just made me feel welcome. disitu tertulis ambisi gue buat naik lencana ampe Gladian Central maaf ya kalo gak bisa kesampean, kalian mau kan gantiin gue kejar ambisi gue? :')

sama kaya osis, angkatan 27 gakbisa berjalan sendiri tanpa kaka-kaka yang komandoin langkah kita, angkatan 26. Kak Abdul sebagai ketua, bijaksana banget. Kak Astrid sebagai wakil, santai tapi gaklupa buat tegas. bareng ama kaka kaka lain yang hebat hebat, ada Kak Shinta yang asik, Kak Ramona yang rame, Kak Cut Sarah yang manis, Kak Bella yang baiiiik, Kak Arreza yang pinter bikin quote, Kak Alfi yang cantik, dan masih banyak kaka yang gak kalah baik, sabar, asik, segalanya. ada Kak Nicova, Kak Kartika, Kak Fanny, Kak Hilman, Kak Uca, Kak Cica, Kak Ken, Kak Della, Kak Adit, Kak Sabrina, Kak Furqon, Kak Ali, Kak Chandra dan kaka-kaka lain yang maaf kalo ada yang kelewat :)

angkatan 25, yang 2 taun lebih cepet dilantik dari angkatan 27. kaka-kakanya angkatan 26 dan 27. juga gak kalah baik, mereka gak sombong karena lebih senior, mereka gak males buat turun kelapangan buat ngebagi ilmu mereka, mereka selalu ada waktu buat berbagi pengalaman walaupun mereka udah banyak yang diakui kehebatannya ama jakarta timur, tapi tetep gak lupa buat ngelatih kita yang masih gaktau apa apa. makasih buat Kak Prya yang ngenalin aku ke paskib, buat kak Anto yang udah ngebahagiin temen aku wkwkw, buat Kak Lucky yang asik baik caem haha, dan buat kak amel, kak dani, kak fadli, kak iman, kak nia, kak riri, kak debora, semuanyaaaa yang postnya bakal kepanjangan kalo ditulis semuanya. tapi tetep, kalian semua kaka-kaka 26 ama 25 bener bener ngeinspirasi kita, kalian bener bener bisa jadi contoh buat kita, kalian bener bener berjasa banget nularin semua ilmu kalian :)

kalo liat pin DP yang sekarang tersimpen didompet, inget ama pin Capas yang selalu gue pake dulu sebelum pelantikan.

kalo liat pin DP yang sekarang tersimpen didompet, inget ama semua momen momen latihan yang disiplin dan tegas.

kalo liat pin DP yang sekarang tersimpen didompet, inget ama polo shirt putih dimasukin kedalem jins pakai ikat pinggang dengan topi dan handuk hgm dibelakang.

kalo liat pin DP yang sekarang tersimpen didompet, inget ama kebaikan temen temen 27 dan kebersamaan bareng 26 :')

kalo liat pin DP yang sekarang tersimpen didompet, inget kalo temen-temen, kaka-kaka, pelajaran-pelajaran, dan pengalaman yang aku dapet sekarang, gak mungkin bisa aku dapetin dari mana-mana lagi kecuali dari kalian. makasih semua waktu, makasih semua ilmu, semua keputusan, tindakan, dan semua semuanya yang pasti ada pelajaran buat aku petik. makasih udah pernah ngajarin ke aku gimana caranya pushup, apa pentingnya upacara, dan seberapa berharganya bendera merah-putih. aku sayang sama kalian :3

"Haha sekelas lu entar ama gue di IPS!" PART II

lanjut ke part2, mau tentang osis. lalala

"satu untuk semua, semua untuk satu!!"

Afaf Dini Hamid, anggota sekbid 2 atau seksi bidang Kehidupan Berbangsa dan Bernegara, angkatan 23, tahun periode 2010/2011, kalau ada salah tulis.............maaf -_-

masuk OSIS di SMAN 21 termasuk prestasi, ialah yang masuk kan terpilih. 3 LDKO, 1 Pelantikan. semuanya bareng bareng. awal pertama PRA-LDKO, lupa tepatnya berapa. sempet jadi calon ketua angkatan, tapi gak kepilih.......zet zet yang kepilih Afgan. yang paling ganteng dari semuanya -_-- gakpapa gakpapa

yang kaya di post sebelumnya, kita mulai deh kerja bareng buat setiap LDKO di hari sabtu. kesekolah pagi, terus lari pagi, terus ganti baju, terus materi, ada makan siang, terus solat, terus materi. dan begitulah setiap Sabtu selama 3 minggu sebelum pelantikan. tiap LDKO gak gitu gitu aja, ada aja hal barunya makanya ga bosen dan unpredictable. dari jenis bekel yang unik, sampe tugas tugas yang okey punya. tugas tugasnya beragam, tapi yang paling gue suka pas bikin produk. gue sekelompok ama Afgan ama Rafa, dimentorin sama kak Anind dan kak Fadhlan. kita bikin celengan, bagus banget arti dari setiap garis, gambar, dekorasi, warna dan makna dari celengan itu sendiri. sweet banget deh

3 pelantikan yang udah kami lalui gabisa dibilang nyantai. soalnya yang mau jadi OSIS kan harus dididik disiplin, tanggung jawab, dan pekerja keras. jadi nerima tugas dan harus sampai disekolah tepat waktu itu wajar, ditambah peraturan lain kaya sepatu harus item semua, bawa bekel yang udah ditentuin, ganti baju kilat ya semua dirancang supaya kita bisa kerja cepet gak males. di LDKO juga kami dituntut buat pikir cepet, dilatih argumen, keberanian, mental dan lain lain pokoknya semua hal yang emang dibutuhin buat jadi pengurus OSIS

3 LDKO dilaluin bareng bareng, perlahan lahan satu per satu gugur. dari yang puluhan, angkatan 23 tersisa jadi 19 orang yang hebat hebat.
ada Abel di wakil sekretaris
ada Prita di wakil bendahara
ada Andam ama Wulan di sekbid 1
ada Gue, Pedly, ama Eva di sekbid 2
ada Rias ama wawan di sekbid 3
ada Afgan ama Arabela di sekbid 4
ada Idham ama Melia di sekbid 5

ada Rafa ama Farry di sekbid 6
ada April ama Panji disekbid 7
dan terakhir,
ada Dinda ama Alyani disekbid 8

ini gambar pejuang-pejuang angkatan 23,

kita ber19 maju ke pelantikan. 2 hari 1 malem berjuang di sekolah bareng bareng. kesalahan satu orang, ya kesalahan satu angkatan. dan kebalikannya, kebaikan satu orang, bisa ngebagusin nama angkatan

denger angkatan 23, gak lengkap kalo gak bahas 22. mereka OSIS kelas 2 yang satu taun lebih dulu dilantik, kaka-kakanya angkatan 23. mereka jumlahnya lebih banyak dari kita, ada 30 orang. gak ada namanya batas kesabaran mereka buat ngebimbing kita, ngajarin kita caranya organisasi, dan nyumbangin berjuta juta ide mereka yang mahal banget. tapi yang pasti, namanya up and down itu gak pernah kehindar. ada saat kita nangis, ada saat kita ketawa. kerjasama antara 22 dan 23 belum pernah gue dapetin di tempat lain

kekokohan benteng OSIS 21 diketuain ama Kak Raja, dibantu wakil 1, Kak Agung ama wakil II, Kak Dani. ada Kak Novi, Kak Chaya, Kak Wina di barisan BPH. ada Kak Reza, Kak Chandra, Kak Mucho, Kak Bani, Kak Bima, Kak Andre, Kak Fadhlan, ama Kak Risma di barisan Koordinator sekbid. dan ada Kak Panji, Kak Gadis, Kak Astrid, Kak Bilqis, Kak Della, Kak Nindy, Kak Lulu, Kak Michael, Kak Ola, Kak Misel, Kak Anind, Kak Uci, Kak Chindee, Kak Bopit, Kak Gamal, Kak Rani dibarisan Anggota sekbid, mereka yang jadi pembimbing, mereka kakak-kakaknya angkt23, mereka adalah angkatan 22

bareng mereka kita sama sama ngejaga benteng pertahanan OSIS 21, bareng bareng kita jadi penyalur aspirasi siswa siswi sman 21, bareng bareng kita jadi panutan, jadi siswa siswi terpilih yang bisa jadi contoh buat yang lainnya

yg dibikin ama kak fadhlan di papan tulis ruang sekos waktu kita mau proker angkatan 23, Stardust :')

yang kaya gue bilang di post sebelum ini. proker yang dijalanin bareng kaka kaka dan temen temen udah banyak banget mulai dari proker pertama Bupusma, jamu kita, baksos, classmeeting, Green The Earth ampe proker yang sekarang lagi berlanjut Turboplast.

bener deh, udah 8 bulan mau ke 9 bulan setelah pelantikan. banyak banget yang ga bisa ditulis disini, sumpah deh kaka-kaka 22 aku sayang banget ama kalian. temen temen 23 juga, sayang gue ke kalian gak ada yang bisa jelasin.

kalo disini kedengerannya lebay, engga. emang bener gue sayang banget banget bangetan ama semua pengurus osis tanpa terkecuali. soalnya kita berjuang bareng, jatoh bangun bareng, dan kita semua satu kan? :")

kalo mereka nanya, what are the things i really love about sman 21? and with no doubt i'll say OSIS dan Paskib for sure. di PART III gue janji deh cerita gimana paskib juga bisa bikin gue enjoy di 21, stay tune and thanks for the time guys :3

"individually we are one drop. together we are an ocean"- Kak Risma.

dia juga yang ngedit, orangnya yang pake kacamata duduk disampingku. foto ini diambil di panggung abis proker Green The Earth yang diketuain ama Kak Risma juga, dia kaka 22 paling kusayang, tapi dianya sayang ama orang lain uups gak boleh bercanda frontal ya disini kak~ nanti lebih jauhnya aku jelasin tentang kakaku satu ini di part IV :3

thank you for all the times we've shared, for the moments all of you have blessed my life.

setiap detik pin OSIS 21 kesemat didada, selama itu juga kehormatan gak henti hentinya aku rasakan :')

"Haha sekelus lu entar ama gue di IPS!"

still clearly echoing on my mind.

gakerasa bung hampir mau setaun udah lulus dari SMP Tugasku. kepikir buat masuk sma Jubilee, Alazka, ampe IIHS. tapi gak ada yang namanya mau masuk negeri. sejujurnya, dari dulu gue ama temen-temen kurang berbaur ama yang namanya sekolah digit atau negeri. pandangan kita selalu negatif tentang mereka, mungkin bawaan gue ama temen-temen gue yang belum pernah nyobain negeri dan pergaulan gue yang kurang bebas terbatas ama anak-anak sekolah swasta atau inter. manalagi keluarga gue, bokap-nyokap sepupu tante om ama si kakak, ga ada yang lulusan negeri, kalaupun ada itu cuman satu. bener bener buta gue tentang sekolah negeri.

Tiba-tiba, gue lupa exactnya kenapa gue mau banget masuk 68. kayanya gue korban sinetron yang keliatannya asik pake baju putih-abu abu gue jadi pengen, kemakan juga cerita sepupu gue yang satu satunya di negeri itu, dia anak 68. semenjak itu gue bertekad banget masuk 68.

buat persiapan UAN, gue termasuk miniiiim banget. bahkan bisa dibilang nol. gue ga pernah masuk kelas, dikelas gue ngobrol, ngerusuh, tidur, bengong, cabut. bahkan gue gakikut bimbel yang disedian sekolah, waktu anak-anak bimbel. gue malah ngadem diruang guru apa engga milih pulang. TAPI semenjak gue mau banget 68, gue mulai privat ama mae. fyi, itu cuman sekitar 2 minggu sebelum UAN.

pake modal nem 34,00 gue keterima di SMAN 21, gelombang 2 urutan 6.

dari awal, walaupun gue yang milih masuk negeri (80% paksaan nyokap sih) gue gak pernah enjoy di negeri ampe curhat ama pak kamil gakmau tau harus pindah. gaknyangka gue bertahan udah mau setaun disini dan lots of things has changed, so many ups and downs. untuk pertama kali pake baju putih abu-abu, pertama kali liat satu angkatan ratusan, pertama kali sekolah di negeri, banyak pertamanya yang gue dapet di sekolah ini.

Sabtu 16 Juli 2009.

Pra-MOS, masih pake baju Tugasku. inget banget masih dianterin mama pake alesan belum daftar ulang karena gelombang 2. in fact, gue masih takut ._. masih gak nyadar gue anak negeri sekarang. pra mos gue dateng rada telat, masih belum kebiasa ama jam setengah 7. ba bi bu gue gaikut apel langsung ke kelas. kelas udah penuh, cuman 2 bangku kosong didepan pojok. gue duduk sendiri, langsung mau nangis gatau kenapa sedih.

Senen-Rabu, MOS

mulai MOS, nothing too special. belum cukup bikin gue seneng, dihari ke 2 baru ngeh satu kelas ama Juliet, yaudah untung udah ada temen.

Kamis, mulai belajar

gue dipindahin kelas, ke kelas X-1. makin mau mati sangking sedihnya musti cari temen lagi. dikelas itu bener bener gak ada yang gue kenal. lagi lagi duduk sendirian, bedannya ini dibelakang -.- tapi untung ternyata gue sekelas ama Rara, setidaknya ada yang dikenal. lama lama kenal ama Rias, ama Dinda, dan lain lain. masih inget temen sebangku pertama gue itu si Geo. bener bener beda ama yang selama ini gue rasaian, dari model kelas aja udah beda banget. mana gue duduk belakang, dan kelas isinya 40 orang, shock banget ngeliat depan kayanya jauh banget. mana dari dulu gak tau kenapa semua guru yang masuk pasti ngeceng-cengin gue, terus diketawain satu kelas. makin ngebenci mereka yang ada. apalagi Gana ama Dana yang duduk serong dari gue, kerjaan mereka cuman jailin gue, berisik, cengin. dulu rasanya kalo boleh ngebunuh, ya mereka yang gue bunuh. mana kelas rasanya panas, gak ada temen, bawaan bt mulu. makanya dulu gue gak pernah lepas dari iphone gue, kerjaan gue cuman sms temen-temen smp gue, curhat ama mereka ngata ngatain kelas gue. sabar banget idup gue waktu itu.

butuh waktu lama buat adaptasi disini, apalagi ama guru gurunya. belum lagi pendaftaran OSIS udah dimulai, pengen banget ikutan. tapi waktu itu mental belom siap, tapi karena dasarnya suka ama organisasi, siap gak siap gue ambil. karena gak ada kesempatan kedua di kelas dua. awal masuk jadi capsis, yang dikenal cuman Prita. itu juga karena satu SD. ada Fardin yang dulu kenal cuman sebatas tau muka. sama Rara yang emang kenal dari dulu, tapi gak pernah deket. selebihnya, gak ada. modal mental yang masih shock, mood yang berantakan mulu, temen yang terbatas. lanjoot aja tapi gue, makanya kayanya semua tugas berat banget, apalagi kalo udah disuruh kerja bareng, gak ada temen mana prita suka pulang cepet yaudah berasa malapetaka banget. tapi dengan kerja bareng itu gue mulai kenal capsis-capsis yang lain. pertama Pedly, yang ternyata selama ini sekelas. terus Zendy, ada Panji, Rafa, Resita, Della, dll yang mulai kenalan dulu.

kalo inget jaman jamannya pake nametag, pulpen biru dikantong, ama pake dasi, gak kerasa sekarang udah pin yang kesemat di dada, gak kerasa udah jalanin proker bareng kaka-kaka, gak kerasa gak cuman boleh masuk ke ruang sekretariatan osis atau sekos, tapi foto gue udah ada di bagan anggota pengurus OSIS.

lalala cerita setaun masih panjang, gak mungkin lah ada di satu post doang. berlanjut ke post berikutnya ya ntr, thankyou :3

wheel of fortune keeps rolling,

turns upside and down,

sometimes we're pleased,

sometimes we're worried,

sometimes we laugh

sometimes we cry

sometimes we're special,

sometimes.............. we're not

and i miss being anything, everybody's not.

rainbow. without rain. it's only a bow

(sorry for the bad resolution, it was pretty huge raining)

who says that rainy is a bad whether and sunny is the good one? you can't see rainbow on sunny.

still thinking that rainy is a bad thing?

who says that rainy is a bad whether and sunny is the good one? you can't have lots of water on sunny.

still?

who says that rainy is a bad whether and sunny is the good one? you can't be on one umbrella on your love on sunny.

still thinking the same? then, you really need new lens for your eyes.

if only rainy is a bad whether, then why people on Arab feel so grateful about rain? doesnt mean, you should be an Arabian for feeling thankful about rainy. but you just need to think the other side about rain........

it's all the same with turbulance/ failure/ collapse/ unsuccessful/ washed-out/ etc gosh you name it....

once a rain pour on your life, doesnt mean the fail was yours. it's all just a beginning for a beautiful rainbow. you damn get it?

a rain on your day wont make you die, go search your sun, and make your own rainbow :)

(idk why i put this picture up. just a thought it's kinda like raining because the blur. it's taken while raining anyway)

you are the one who saying that this gonna be the same as the other years. so thats why i treat this day so cold, like nothing's happening

first, i'm gonna say happy new year, all the best wishes for our life on 2010, for all my reader :) WOOOO WOOOO!! (trying to sound like  trumpet, but kinda failed -_-') after a massive night, lots of fireworks popping and trumpets everywhere, what's YOUR new resolution? hah? me? oh well, the last night i was so fucked up. a rock hit my friendship with Aulion. so i said that i wont make wishes or resolution or whatev. last night i thought every years would be the same. i knew, they wont come true so i stopped hoping for a new life. last night i felt like, "for god sake, i dont get it why people gets so excited about this day. i mean, it's just the last number of date which changing". and i went so emo on my Twitter and Facebook BUTTTTT this morning a text from him changed everything

:)) let me show you what this message told me about:

"udah berapa tahun ya faf kita sahabatan, ga taunya udah tahun baru aje. alhamdulillah ya faf meskipun tahun baru itu bodoamat, seengaknya gue ngerasa kita temenan lamaa bgt, org pacaran aja kalah ya hahaha. alhamdulillah juga gue ga pernah ngebentak lo, marah2in lo, tp gapapa kok faf gue dimarahin lo. kan lo pernah bilang klo kita egois, dan wajar dong kalo ada yg marah. tenang faf, jgn sedih taun baru ini, soalnya masih banyak yg lebih sedih dari lo. maaf ya faf klo kalimat gue salah atau ga pake bahasa inggris. gila aja deh gue kalah ama filmaker lawan penulis handal, pasti kalimat gue ga sosweet. bodo amat ya so sweet apa engga, i would like to say happy changing year. okeh! maaf lahir batin ya faf. -Aulion xoxo. ssesese hahaha"

fiuh, a pretty long text huh? well, since we forget the exact time when we claimed ourselves as "bestfriend" then, we use the new year event as the barometer how long we've became bestfriend. according to my calculation, we've shared our life for about 3 YEARS, it's such a long damn time. thanks for this 3 years we've spent together, thanks for the tears and laugh you've blessed every steps on my life, thanks for the light you brought when the darkness covered my life, thanks for catching me and bringing me up everytime i fall, thanks for being here when the rest  walked out, thanks for being the one i can fully trusted on, thanks for being so kind, so wise, and so gentle  when facing our problems, thanks for the movies you made for me, and thanks for every movies you asked me to help you, frankly, that's one of my favorite activites to go make movies with you, thanks for keeping my secrets, thanks for being the best i've ever had.

message for him gave me lots of hopes and wishes for 2010. let me show you, what i wish deep inside :) 

-i'm gonna make myself. wiser, mature, and respectful
-stop whinning, start to learn to accept every God's decision
-spend more time with my family
-stop thinking about how unfair life is, life has its own Director
-stop being selfish, start to believe that i lived with peoples. and i'm not the only one who's surviving
-try to be thankful for everything God has given, life is a present for us
-the point of all this wishes just one, God plese help me to be a better person on 2010. AMEN

every starts has their own ends. 2009 has ended, 2010 has come, HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

ps: i'll post about what i've done on 2009. but i've got to list what the thing i need to write. just wait and be patience guys :)
ps2: FINALLY I BOUGHT A NEW CAMERA. well, not the one i wanted and craved for. but, this one's pretty good and i hope it'll help me bring back my light on this blog :')

a picture is worth a thousand words.....

(click the picture for a larger view)

the picture shows it all.......... happy mothers day every mom!!!!

falling in love with who loves girl is way easy, either with playboy. otherwise, fall for a guy who haven't understands how big LOVE effects a girl's life is, gets bigger percentage to fail.


got it?

new photos just came out!

voilaaa, my iPhone is back to hit the town and i added an app called Polarize and it seems i fall for it :D so i polarized every photos of mine and i want to share em with you. so i decided to sticked em on my blog, and tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ps: yes, more photos will be added as soon as a flash ;P
ps2: they look darker here :(

Ririe Ramadhona is a new wonderwoman

time heals everything. so does what time did to my blog. sorry for leaving this blog up to abnormal. yes, i'm a damn highschooler. yes, i'm damn busy. and also a thing called twitter hate this blog and tried to kill it.
after one pelantikan, a huge exam and one of my uncle passed away. this month, i mean, november couldnt be any worse. lots of things happened. starts from little goes to the biggest problem, everything on this november, this month, these 4 weeks. from my 'pelantikan' (til now, i still have no idea what pelantikan really means on english) of PASKIBRA, my sister's sweet seventeen goes to little things like i ruined my phone and the front side is now cracked up, and how i dropped my DHARMAPUTRA badge and so did my senior keep it. gosh, everything went bad on november.
and about 2012 movie. frankly speaking, i havent go check the movie yet, but it freaks me out for sure. i mean, i havent be ready yet to leave this earth.
talking about leave the earth. one of my beloved uncle passed away and it made me drop my tears, i mean, for a people like me.... crying is-not-so-me but yeah. whatever. i miss you already papa haris and sorry for wasnt being there at your funeral. may Allah bless you. I LOVE YOU.it became one of my biggest regret, about why why why i wasnt able to go with my sister year ago to go to america visit him. i mean, it's been along time since the last time i went to america :(let's go to the whole point of this post. my new role model. a girl with a strong heart and a soft smile. a girl who got striked by a life thousand times but never gets down. a girl who always be the victim of life but never give up. a girl with a heavy load on her shoulders but never get tired. a girl whos always busy by problems but never stop working those out. RIRIE RAMADHONA. the toughest girl ever born. 

she once sent me this when a rock hit me. see? she's a damn wonderwoman

her father just rest in peace. leaving this world, went to see Allah. move to a better a place. and watch Ririe from the other side of this world. may Allah gives him and all the family an endless happiness. Amen

Love you even more, ririe

la la la --'

a friend of mine once asked about my love life on the past. no words i could explain. i stucked on this question, this was a thousand times harder than math on the white board. it freezed my lips. all the memories came recalled on sudden. i tried to look normal, and i said, "i got no ex" and tried to laugh. the bitterest laugh ever popped out this mouth. i've never been in a serious relationship. the boys keep coming and leaving in a clap. i can't hold em, just like seasons. they keep changing and i am tolerating em. 2 rules were on in this relationship. they love me, i pretend to love em & i play em before they break me. boys just waste my time, and they dont actually deserve it

i wished you everything

on the 26th of october at the morning. i came to your house, knocking at the door and came in. i saw you slept, and tried so hard to make no noise.  i lighted up the candle. and carried the cake. i kissed you on the cheek. and said "happy sweet seventeen my prince" you woke up. i was the first you saw when you opened your eyes. you called my name. and said "thank you my princess" you kissed me back and kept saying how happy you were. then suddenly,
BAM
the teacher woke me up. pushing me back to face the reality. thrusting on me to leave my perfect dreamland. realizing me on where i am right now. "happy birthday kak" "ok thanks" was the truth. there were no cake, the princess-prince thingy, even the kisses. he's just way too far.

never combine a heroine with a cocaine. they will fuck you up for life

xxxxxx says:
fy, he's gonna hve his bday 2morrow. what will ya do?

Afaf Dini says:
errr stiil dk. but the first thing that popped out on my mind is try to forget him

xxxxxx says:
wat th fuck he has done 2 make u said those stuffs, hun? tell me :x

Afaf Dini says:
nothing 

xxxxxx says:
err, idont really get it

Afaf Dini says:
you wont understand

xxxxxx says:
dare me

Afaf Dini says:
hes just too effin addicted and i'm sure i dont want to fall for the other drugs. i mean, ive once being hurted and i dont want to fail for the second. once feels enough and the pain still on my chest. it's just too hard for me to fall for more. i'm his fan. his biggest fan. and i wont change myself to be a lover. is this enough?

xxxxxx says:
idk what to write

Afaf Dini says:
so do i

xxxxxx says:
iv gtg. anything left you need 2 say. text me hun

Afaf Dini says:
k, thanks dear. A lot

xxxxxx says:
love. xx

Afaf Dini says:
byes

what a conversation

if only you were one of OSIS. i'm sure i'll get this for you on MOS

hm, how we start it? let's see
hay i'm affy. oh well,  i mean, i'm Afaf Dini Hamid on the grade X-1
ohkay, i wont be surprised if you dont know me though
i'm a junior and you're senior. yes?
you dont need to reply this or whatever, and i'm not expecting you to find and thank me
seeing you reading this is enough to make me fly

to be honest, i dont know what to write, what to say, what to do
i mean, if i were you i might be like, "what the hell this creppy girl saying?"
and this puts me on my nerves, in case.. you really were

oh great, i'm getting damn nervous and sweety. let's get it on the point

yes frankly, i like you, i got attracted by you, i was thingking about you, and i cant get you outta my mind. and that annoys me. obviously

i spend my time in front of a box called monitor checking your facebook and wonder if you were there across the monitor and i go do weird happy dances.
i go crazy every time the school time was over and i sit down with my girls and seeing you and cant stop smiling and thingking of everything about you.
i go insane everytime you come to my mind.
i'm proud and showing off your achievements to all my friends and saying how you are like the perfect guy ever born,  besides i'm your nothing.
i always get speachless everytime you talk to me and it caused you think i'm weird, perhaps?
i can now sing the Kelsey-metro station and True To Me-metro station because i really do feel like the singer. the lyrics now fits me perfectly, and it seems like the songs specially wrote for us. because "i want you so much" and "he's one in the million".
and i always do remember one of your friends telling me you like me. and how i wanted it to be true...

xoxo

i forgot the feeling when i was in love, anyone wants to recall it?

"And I'll swim the ocean for you. the ocean for you. whoa, oh Kelsey. and I'll swim the ocean for you. the ocean for you. whoa, oh Kelsey. (i hear you darlin')"

currently listening to Kelsey by Metro Station.
my heart starts to beat along with the rythm, my lips start to sing the lyrics, and i start to enjoy the song. trying to analyze what the purpose of the writer to wrote that song.

i didnt really get it. so i keep playing the same song, repeatedly. the part which i really do understand just the reff section. he keeps saying "i want you so much". and his passion really shows us how he really need that girl. the girl who this song was written to is such a lucky girl.
i really do miss my the times when i felt like i was totally like the singer. i need him, i want him, and i love him. it's such a long time after my last love. the stupid bean? he's owned. the hothead bandplayer? he's such a  jerk. and the popular model senior? idk.
i mean, i'm not brave enough to smile at him, even just say hi. but i'm not strong enough to face the reality he wasnt mine. big decisions.

"i want you, so much. i need you, so much. i need your, i need your, your touch"

we're almost done ;)

the new layout its arrived guys! thanks for being such a patient reader :) i know i'm late. haha

let me introduce one of a great friends of my blog. DAVITA KUSUMA. go check her blogs. it's her personal blog and this one's for her layouts. and the good news is, you can request your own by email her. that's the point!

i'm seriously telling you guys. she's the bomb. go check it, it's worth your time.

click to get to her facebook
and her twitter

thanks Davita, and thanks guys for supporting me keep writing on this blog
xoxo,
affyeaheroine

ps: yes it's not over yet. i have to fix there, there, and there. so many things have to be fixed up. so yes, i'm still waiting for my camera  :)

ps2: i'm not sure about all things will be done before this holiday ends. i mean, there are only 3 days left. so, i'm sorry for the bad postpone. but i promised you i'll be back as fast as the word itself. ciao

things pushed me to fall for him

his lazy smile, his tall and kinda skinny body, his brown sugar skin, the way he looks like a model, the steps he took on that afternoon and how he got punish, how he plays the basketball, how his friends told me he likes me and how I wanted that to be true, everytime he makes this brain full with him, his moonwalk that looks exactly like mj's, how he asks his friend that's one of my ex-senior too to go home, he looks cute, his name, his black shirt, his lovely body, what he said when he denied to pay the money for bupusma, his smile when I thanked him for coming on that night, and he raised his hand a bit, how he comes gather with us when I chat with his friends, the strong and exact steps he makes when carrying the flag, every inches of his body, every single time he makes my heart beats faster. everything of him

on the process

Yes, I'm still thingking about the new layout and how I can get it, based on the skill I have on designing a website.... *sigh* I need someone to help me, please please? :D and, I'm still begging my mom for a new... Cameraaaaaa. Oh and you guys, if you have any good recomendation, tell moi, via twitter facebook or everything. k k? I can't decide which one is the best with absolutely a low price. I promise everything we'll be back before the holiday ends.

officialy, affyeaheroine
xoxo

under construction?

yes it is. tomorrow is Hari Raya, (for those upon whom muslim) and i'm gonna renew this blog. new pictures coming up, i'm still on the process begging my mom for a camera, so i can light this blog a bit up. what's up on my life? Paparazzi by Lady gaga stucked on my head, i love the lyrics and it fits my life perfectly at the moment. and yesss, i'm currently in love with a model. ROFLOL. no i'm just kidding about the model thingy. i'm attracted by a guy on my school, damn he looks like a model with a tall and kind of skinny body, and his face just like a... oh shut up this love things. oh and Bintang a.k.a Beany -_-' told me something last night and i cant believe i cant get it outta my mind. i cant tell here, but i can promise is something huge. so it a bit annoys me at times but just change the topic, anyway sorry for removing your links here and also the chat box. please dont take it too seriously. doesnt mean i'm being arrogant or something, but i'm no longer do exchange links or blogwalking things. i'm too busy to reply all the messages back, but hey guys! i appreciate it, damn much! because you know, reader is the first reason a writer writes. you can keep dropping hi via my twitter or facebook, see? easy as 1 2 3. search moi: Afaf Dini Hamid on facebook and Affyeaheroine on twitter. oh talking about twitter, tomorrow or sooner or later i might stop following you guys whose twitter just talks pointless and in bahasa. i mean, this is 21th century, dont waste your time and oh cmon, english is needed for our future. once again, dont take too seriously, your twitter and blog are just not so interesting according to ME. sorry :)

officialy, love. affyeaheroine xx

@aulion

i'm just gonna make a short post here, due to the sucks connection and it's such a late at night here.

i was kinda dissapointed at one of my best boy, and that was the time i really need him. i taught he doesnt care about me, at all.

i woke up and went online. i signed in my msn and appeared to be offline. i was really in a bad mood to talk. i updated my twitter and checked my replies, but the web wasnt able to show the whole replies, sucks connection. and he suddenly talked to me and left some offline messages. and i was like, "wtf, he knows me even i appeared to be offline" well, even he doesnt know i was there accross the monitor, it was such a great accidental.

and he called me at times. and i was too sick to answer the phone. he texted me once and i cant reply it back, i got no energy at all to reach my mobile phone.

i tried to sleep, tried to forget all the problems, and started to keep positive thingking.

my phone rang suddenly and it woke me up from my dream, a call from unknown number. i knew it was him. and yes i was right. i answered the telephone and we talked. he asked about what was i feeling, and the other simple question. i suddenly realized he's the one who could make me better. sooner or later i have to fix all of the problem before i die, because he's such my breath.

i dont care about how he treats me, does he care at me or not, how much he loves me, what has he done for me, or the other stupid question. i've told you he's my breath, he's the other part of me which missing and i've found it, he's my twins

if i was the yin, than he's the yang

and he completed me like noone ever did. my love to him is just uncountable, as big as the word 'LOVE' can be. he doesnt even know how much i love him

oh and one more, LOVE doesnt always talks about romance. love is universal guys.

for the first time i fall in love without any efforts

affyeah rules the internet

once again, i typed this while i was on my class. this class scares me a bit. the crowd freaks me out. i've never been this lost while i was still on my old school. i looked at my left and found cheap bitches adore their own figures, think theyre the best and try the best to impress the jocks. i turned my head to the left , you'll find a bunch of guys dare each of em to do somthing extreme just to prove they are that tough.

is not something i used to feel. their laugh scares me, their tear pleases me. they arent my friends. i even get happy when one of them is on pain. i always have it on my mind, that they dont deserve every inch of my smile. they claim they are my friends. i cant see how it reals....

some guys trying to solve the rubiks, some girls were gossiping. just like the other common 15 aged teenagers. i'm sure i miss my old school, where everythigs extra-ordinary...

it feels harder to face the reality, the dreamland seems like the perfect place for me to escape myself

'if-onlys' keep rolling and my brain keeps trying to answer all the Qs. but however, i just could leave em all left unaswered at it remains

the Qs get harder than the math test that is complicated enough for me to makes my brain twists.

the questions of 'whys' and 'if-onlys' about how i can be here is just way too complicated. even for the smartest people ever. its like a 16767325893657 pieces of puzzle with blank picture on it.

http://twitter.com/affyeaheroine

guys, the affyeah is back.

english for now on, Bahasa just cant really express myself out.

i was typing this while i studied how to make circles by cloth, such an useless time i spent here. and i was lying my back on the wall and keep track on people around, i found so many differences they got here, so many stories born. and i realized, i've got to spend 3 years of my life here, my school

today was bad like it used to be. the guys and girls here just cant shut their mouth up, the class is so crowded and i feel lost. i lost the track of time, and i cant feel my heart, i'm being such a heartless. and i cant understand every signal my brain tries to send to me, feels like nothing. is this something like moodless?

this is where i can really express myself. sounds so chessy? yes it does

i like cheese anyway

i was dazed, when my teacher called my name, and i immediately handed off my blackberry device, put it on my bag and started to concentrate on what techer said. but this brain didn't work.

i tried to put every words on my brain, and try to analyze each of them. they're just too hard. and i got bored so easily

can't take my hand back when it took my blackberry off the bag, i felt so bored. i cant help it. and i really cant understand my teacher. i started to type this over again.

the wind came by the windows beside me, and the fan keeps rolling above us. i was damn sleepy. every single words from my teacher sounded like alien, is so hard for me to think.

i decided to take some rest while the teachers cant stop speaking. i lay down my head on my bag, heading to dreamland, leaving the reality.

damn, the bell rang. the school time was over. and i'm still missing my old friends. i remember clearly every single words they've blessed me with their laughs.

oh well, here i am again. standing still here watching the clock tik-toking and seperated from my old friends.

do i sound sooo desperate?

this brain is about to explode

hey hey hey

it's affyeah back on the topic, guysss

gue mau nulis pake bahasa indonesia oooow

sebelum malaysia ngambil bahasa ini -.-

ececececce

terus terus, mau nyapa temantemankyu tercinta yang gue tau bakal baca ini,

haay aulion, ian, taya, thaib, ririe, aqila, dll

apung ah

EITS INI POSTINGAN PERTAMA YANG BAHASA INDONESIA

plokplokplok

what's up on these days?

nothing much, cuman yesh, this life getting crazier each and each day

dan...... koneksi internet sekarang sedang membuatku emosi

untuk lagi ga puasa, eitssss

ini malem gitu -.-

mau ngomong apa? gatau, td thoib nanya gue udah update blog apa belom, jadi inget gue udah lama ga buka. hm so yes ini diaaaaaaaa

oh yesh, what's really up to is,

i've changed ALOT. damn LOTS

kata iano, gue kampung sekarang

kata aqila, aku sibuk sekarang

kata ririe, aku getting kurus ga fresh sekarang

kata taya, dan tante pipin, om budi, mama, papa, ka elaf, tante dila, DLL aku kurusan sekarang (Y)

kata rifqi, aku kotor

dan kalo kata aku, aku ga bahagia sekarang -__________-

nyeeet sumpah ya, stressnya beneran. ga kaya waktu di tugasku yang namanya kata stress itu gaada, ya hm well except the boys thingy ya eitsss eceecececee

gue baru sadar, ulangan gue remed semua kecuali fisika yang jelasjelas gue nyontek, english yang emang cuman ini yg gue bisa, dan geografi yang eits guekan anak ips (Y)(Y). selain itu, gue remed. HE BAT

dan, nilainya ga tanggung-tanggung. 0,2 lah 1 komaan, gue dapet.

matematika karena gue ketiduran, pkn itu mepeeeeet bgt nilainya, sejarah susah, kimia ga ngerti sedikitpun, biologi ga kenal, dan lain lain yang pasti karena alesannya ga ngerti dan terlalu malas buat nyontek

i'm too lazy even to hand my pencil.

dan, bawaan gue selalu malash dikelas. ga tau kenapa kelas di negeri itu enak buat tidur. didukung faktor yang kalo ketiduran gapapa dan emang bunyi kipas yang bener bener kaya nina bobo, ac yang panas, dan guru yang ngajar kaya pidato. jeng hasilnya: tidur nyenyak

dan blackberry gue internetnya mati dan males banget buat beli pulsa. iphone gue wirelessnya rusak. flexi gue ga mungkin buat internet dan alhasil: gue jarang update twitter, even bbm yang biasa gue pake buat berhubungan ama my honeybunnysweetiepie, aulion

dan ga tau kenapa, bulan puasa gue malah kelewat sibuk. mulai bupusma sekolah, osis, paskib, tugasku, keluarga, 4th, ah semuanya lah

gue bahkan ampe ga ngerti ttg tgl.

dan, gue masih ga ngerti tentang pikiran anak negeri, EITS NO OFFENSE DISINI BENER,

dan gue bukan mau beda-bedain. tapi jujur, gue masih belom bisa adaptasi karena emang gue terbiasa di swasta dari baby

hm jujur gue masih ga pw dengan kelas. yah untung ada capas 27 dan osis 23 eits hahahahah

hah setidaknya pulang sekolah gue bisa sedikit bahagia -.-

eits the clock show 9:55 PM well its kinda late for a highschooler who have to be at school at 6:00 AM so byes guys and have a nice day

wishing you everything, GBU

xoxo

affyeah

don't mad at me because i'm beautiful. mad at her because she took your boyfriend away,

oh well well well, look at here. guess who's speaking? OHMFG IT'S AFFYEAH.

i've got no topic here. just let my fingers do the talk. i think nothing on my brain.

let me clear this

i'm on my home with nobody

and there's nothing special except,

the mosquito bothers me all the time

i'm currently listening to Metro Station, Nevershoutnever, and All time low

oh and i'm wearing my brand new black skinny jeans

which is

suits me better than the old one

anddd what else? oh just wanted to remain all of you guys

please, this is MY page

I'M the one who wrote all of this

I made this

and i'm somekind of ppl who doesnt regret something

if i did, then i did

if i spoke a word. i really meant it

okay guys change the topic. i wont let this post getting hotter.

so, how's the weekend?

here, everything just suck. i mean, everything's going normal. and for me, normal = suck. i need more drama guys!

oh and i'm writing this while i'm home alone. it's a bit spooky out there o.O

guys, have i tell you i'm on of the student consule?! yeah yeah yeahs

well, i'm not sure what OSIS means on english but yeah, it's somekind like that

and i'm fucking on PASKIB

it's a group of people in Indonesia that carry flag and bring it to the flagpole

with special moves that, believe me. they are c-o-o-l

it's like on military if you lived in America

oh great it's getting spookier here

lovelife?

noone has unlock my heart yet. still missing my boys on junior high school. they are fucking the best, believe me. you wont find em in your entire whole life.

40 truths, made by me. i'm not lying

1) my real full name is Afaf Dini Hamid

2) i got called by Affy everyday

3) i'm sooooo picky when it comes to friends

4) i dont go to any english course. i learn it by myself

5) i love emo style. scene kids are the best

6) i got hated easily, and got loved easier

7) they love my style

8) i hope i was born as a chinesse

9) i strongly believe Yin Yang does matter

10) i have 3 phobias. scared of God, Dog, and Death

11) i think writing is where my passion was

12) i cut, dye, style my own hair

13)i know youre not gonna read all of this

14) i have a high iq

15) but i'm not gonna tell you how much it is

16) i love unreachable guy

17) i've never been in a relationship

18) i know you think i'm a liar

19) guys, that's the truth

20) dont believe it? then, stop reading

21) i'm a bad senior

22) a great junior

23) i'm good at telling lies

24) better at pretending

25) they dont like to having a problem with me

26) i kill people with my sight and words

27) if i dont like you. cleary, that means i hate you

28) i like you doesnt mean i love you

29) once you bother me, i'd try the best to kill you

30) i changed. alot

31) they think i'm a monster

32) the rest think i'm a lover

33) i think i'm a love monster

34) emo boys are my weakness

35) i thought i was Bi

36) i'm a dictator

37) i hate indonesia, at the same time i want this country to change better

38) i wanted to live in USA

39) i think i'm the unlucky person. but i'm wrong

40) if you read this. ALL OF THIS. leave "GOTCHA, I KNOW 40 THINGS ABOUT YOU" on my cbox.

xoxo

a picture worth a thousand words. i got 2 pictures here, do the math

these totally hit my feeling

oh sorry

i hate common girls without specialities, they totally dont exist for meh

Hey guys, its affyeah speaking! This is me right on my class, once again hah the atmosphere is getting hawwt. And guuys, sorry for not replying the cbox, I'm not in the mood. Like what benekdita (hah sorry for the misspell. I don't do cheat by looking at the cbox while postingg) said to me, I've got to do the best to try enjoying my new school. However, life must go on guys. I can't stuck in one place if I had alotta dreams waiting to coming true. Dream does come true, ONLY with work hard oh except youre a lucky girl. I've once said, that hang in is much harder than come in. I can easily enter this senior high school, but for hanging in, I'm not sure.

Hah gtg, my teacher is yelling to me for playing the cellphone on class. And like I've said for about thousands and one times. Sorry for the misspelled, I just don't like to read it twice its somekind a waste of time.

Byeees

xoxo,
Affyeah

i blame myself for not soaking in highschool, and i blame time for seperated me and my 4th

i really do not know what should i write here

once i entered the high school, i totally blank

i totally lost track of time

i look like dumb

i have nothing to be written

i feel nothing

i have no mood

oh and,

i miss Aulion like fuck

i want him to be with me, i want him to be everywhere around him

ah and the picture on the left totally helps me alot through situation when i really need him to be my side

so i made it into my iphone wallpaper

i easily get bored

and my mood drops faster

i hate everything about high school

and i'm not trying to enjoy myself

it seems that i WILL NEVER enjoy myself

i wear mask all day long

i never laugh like i used too

and i never get attention like the way they used to treated me on junior high school

even a smile, i never smile to those who dont deserve it.

my smile is just way too expensive

oh why i'm so cold? its because you forgot to shut the refrigerator. but how about i am so hot? oh well, its given

The atmosphere is damn hot here. And I try to post something via phone. its conputer class for now, and the internet doesn't work on my computer so hah I'm a little bored here. The boys are laughing and the girls are gossiping just like common. tennager loves to do. But I am just sitting here and wondering about why why why and whys that keep rolling in my brain and gonna explode it whenever they want, because the fact is my brain is exploding, I just hate the way high school playing. Unfair is everywhere and fair is nowhere. Don't try to seacrh fair here, I bet thousands bucks you won't meet here. I just hate the common girls label them self as unique. Hellooo you are so common. and about the boys, they are soooooo whatever. Oh gosh and I've got to go soon. I'm on class guys!

Ps: guys, if there so many misspelled words, just ooops and sorry, I just don't like to read them twice. It just a waste of time. Bye bye lovers

xoxo, affyeaheroine

once i left my junior high school, i lost my inspiration on writing

currently wearing: taya's white tee with "world without strangers" on it, black skinny jeans which i often wash, my black converse sneakers, my hair done, and a lot of bracelets

i just got home from my week end activities. this week has been crahh-zie. i spent my energy too much. i often being in home. i miss my parents damn much. they still on outside jakarta. for about a week that feels like forever.

today they planned to be home. great. but i think i must be at bed when they arrive. they told me they'll be home at about 3 in the morning. at least they are home. i'll wake up at 3 in the morning just to make sure that they are here. i miss them like no words will ever find it.

i need them now. i just still wonder about Whys that keep roll

ing in my head. why they've got to leave me when i really need to be on their side?

i feel totally strange.

i dont think that my high school serve a thing called happiness. i don't find that thing. even i've tried the best i can do. it just feels impposible to me to find them.

and the other problem comes to love.

i trapped in a cage which held by a guy who loves to pl

ay with love, who thinks that love is a game that is fun to play with. but oh geez, why it has to be me?

he says he loves me, he says he loves her, he says he loves the other her. and the other and the other.

it's talking about a bizzare love fucking triangle

geez why i HAVE to trapped in this cage. AGAIN?

oh and Iano made this for me. i dont know why it's worth more than a picture for me. my heart always be gnawed up everytime i see this. will this become my next phobia or something?