hairroin eats the cokecain

Selamat hari jadi berbulan bulan Sayang, semoga Tuhan selalu mengawetkan kita.

2011-02-09T06:52:00.000-08:00

3 months feels like seconds.

9 November 2011. 3 bulan yang lalu, hari jadi kita.

tapi aku masih gak ngerasa aman. let's make it clear, i'm not your first. neither are you. aku punya masa lalu, kamu juga kan? aku bahkan gatau harus mulai dari mana, kamu bahkan mungkin gak bakal baca ini. tapi kamu tau kan aku takut ama malem?

sekarang aku ketakutan, aku gak tau harus kemana. aku nangis, aku gak ada yang nemenin. sekarang kamu lagi tidur, aku bahkan gak bisa buat bangunin kamu.

aku kepikiran banyak hal, i'm worried about too many little things i shouldn't think about. and this is killing me, Ram.

aku bahkan gak tau apa yang aku takutin, apa yang aku raguin. but so many questions, doubts, and if-onlys are spinning around my head. they are slowly stabbing my heart.

jangan tanya aku kenapa aku nangis, aku bahkan gak tau kenapa aku ngeluarin air mata. aku juga gak tau kenapa aku sedih.

mau aku ngetik sepanjang novel juga gak akan bisa aku keluarin semua yang ada di otakku kalo malem, aku benci malem, aku benci sendirian di saat malem, aku benci ngerasain dingin sendirian di saat malem.

aku takut kalo aku selama ini kebanyakan nuntut, aku terlalu manja, terlalu banyak maunya. kalo aku gak sebaik yang kamu pikir, kalo ada orang yang lebih baik dari aku, lebih cantik, lebih kaya, lebih pinter, lebih asik, lebih gaul, lebih segalanya dari aku. masih kamu milih aku?

i'm easily get jealous. i do admit. i just have no guts to say it directly to you.

aku tau semua yang terjadi sama kamu, bahkan sebelum kamu yang kasih tau. i seem like don't care, don't really understand, or not taking it as a big deal. but trust me, it really does kill me inside.

kamu bisa kan jaga perasaan aku? aku gak bilang kamu gak pernah jaga baik baik perasaan ku, but i have to say, you're not really good at taking care of my feeling. and i'm scared. i feel unprotected. i feel insecure.

gak ram, bukan kamu yang bikin aku kaya gini. malem aja nih yang bikin aku kesel, kenapa sih ada malem, cuman bisa bikin aku takut. aku takut tiba tiba besok kamu udah bukan milik aku, kamu tiba tiba menghilang, atau aku yang ninggalin dunia? beneran kan aku gatau apa yang terjadi abis malem.

aku bahkan gatau inti dari post ini apa, aku gatau apa yang harus aku bilang. aku cuman ketakutan, aku nulis aja berharap tiba tiba aku ngantuk ditengah tulisan dan aku bisa tidur tenang mimpi indah dan bangun besoknya dengan semuanya masih seindah hari ini. tapi ternyata engga, aku masih melek dijam segini, bentar lagi masuk hari baru, dan aku masih gak bisa pejamin mata. aku masih takut.

how i wish you were here Ram. hugging me in your arms, pushing me to your chest, and you kissing my forehead. the only place i could get high.

so, goodnight Ram. aku berharap besok kamu masih ada buat aku, "tell me tomorrow is gonna be as beautiful as today"

"Haha sekelas lu entar ama gue di IPS!" PART III

2010-04-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

part III, ya you know will talk about Paskib :)

Organisasi, dan Ekskul yang gak kalah seru ama osis,

PASKIBRA SMAN 21

pasti temen temen smp gue banyak yang gak nyangka gue bisa masuk paskib, jangan tanya juga ama gue kenapa gue masuk paskib. diotak gue juga gak mikir apa apa waktu tunjuk tangan pas ditanya siapa yang mau masuk paskib, 70% karena bujukan Kak Prya kali ya, 30% hem ya you know lah siapa lelaki ganteng yang ada dipaskib~

inget waktu di smp gue cadangannya paskib, karena dulu kan osis diutamakan buat jadi paskib. terus walaupun waktu itu cadangan dibutuhin, gue gak turun lapangan karena gue gak tahan panas, cups emang gue tau. tapi jujur dari dulu gue paling excited kalo udah liat pasukan pengibar bendera, enak banget diliatnya. rapih, kompak, tegas, keren banget demi deh. makanya di sma, mau gue ampe segosong apa di lapangan, mau gue cape banget abis latihan, mau tangan gue ampe gemeteran bawa baki. gue udah tekad kasi yang terbaik buat paskibra sman 21

pertama kali gue formasi, itu pas buat pelantikan. posisi gue baris pertama banjar kedua, pembawa baki. gak segampang yang gue pikirin, dan baki gak seringan yang keliatannya. gue dikasi pr ama kaka kaka buat ngelatih tangan supaya kuat ya push up dirumah. denger itu rada males, gue aja gak bisa pushup, ajegile kalo pushup tiap hari dirumah, tapi karena tekad, kemauan yang besar buat tampil bagus di pelantikan, pushup tiap hari pun dilaksanakan

walaupun formasi pelantikan bisa dibilang gagal, ikiki maaf ya. tapi tetep bangga lah, inget kan kita bikin formasi itu di kantin ampe sore banget terus hujan besar terus kita bingung pulang gimana? hehe thankyou for that moment, gue ketawa banyak banget hari itu. yang kedua, formasi buat perdana kita ditonton semua siswa siswi sman 21 cukup bikin gue puas, walaupun belom bisa sempurna. pengalaman dari kalian buat gue udah cukup sempurna :)

sama prosesnya kaya OSIS, setiap sabtu ada pelatihan sebelum kita menuju pelantikan. maaf ya 27, gue gak bisa ikut pengukuhan pertama yang denger denger oke punya~ maaf ya 27, emang gue ga terlalu banyak waktu bareng kalian. maaf ya 27, emang gue sering ijin kalo ada latian. maaf ya 27, gue gabisa yang kaya kalian harepin buat nyampe ke gladian central dan ikutan seleksi paskibraka :')

walaupun gak terlalu banyak waktu gue abis ama kalian, tapi gue tetep seneng kok punya kalian. 27 anggota di angkatan 27, pas banget ama angka kesukaan gue. i know you guys are meant to be mine

makasih ya Guruh yg paling disayang ;) , Pedly yg dimana ada gue ada dia, Ovi yg perhatian, Yodi yg sering bantuin gue, Agita yg sweet, Juliet yg cantik, Dipta yg sering bikin ngakak, Alam yg gak pernah lupa ama gue, Niko yg suka sok ganteng, Taufiq yg suka ngisengin di fb chat, Fajri yg pikirannya luar biasa, Ajeng yang selalu optimis, Mukti yang hobinya ngelawak, Dityo yg tinggi menjulang, Kartika yg ngangenin dan sisanya Stanley, Diah, Shendy, Faradina, Audy, Rezky, Faradis, Imes, Ayu, Ray, David yang gak kalah hebat. kalian emang pasukan special, yegak ;)

apa yang ditulis di buku angkatan, gue bakal sedih banget inget buku itu. makasih udah kasih gelar tereksis, tersemangat ya? ter apa lagi ya.. ter asik ya? haha lupa gue, pokoknya makasih banget ama gelar gelar yang dikasi, it just made me feel welcome. disitu tertulis ambisi gue buat naik lencana ampe Gladian Central maaf ya kalo gak bisa kesampean, kalian mau kan gantiin gue kejar ambisi gue? :')

sama kaya osis, angkatan 27 gakbisa berjalan sendiri tanpa kaka-kaka yang komandoin langkah kita, angkatan 26. Kak Abdul sebagai ketua, bijaksana banget. Kak Astrid sebagai wakil, santai tapi gaklupa buat tegas. bareng ama kaka kaka lain yang hebat hebat, ada Kak Shinta yang asik, Kak Ramona yang rame, Kak Cut Sarah yang manis, Kak Bella yang baiiiik, Kak Arreza yang pinter bikin quote, Kak Alfi yang cantik, dan masih banyak kaka yang gak kalah baik, sabar, asik, segalanya. ada Kak Nicova, Kak Kartika, Kak Fanny, Kak Hilman, Kak Uca, Kak Cica, Kak Ken, Kak Della, Kak Adit, Kak Sabrina, Kak Furqon, Kak Ali, Kak Chandra dan kaka-kaka lain yang maaf kalo ada yang kelewat :)

angkatan 25, yang 2 taun lebih cepet dilantik dari angkatan 27. kaka-kakanya angkatan 26 dan 27. juga gak kalah baik, mereka gak sombong karena lebih senior, mereka gak males buat turun kelapangan buat ngebagi ilmu mereka, mereka selalu ada waktu buat berbagi pengalaman walaupun mereka udah banyak yang diakui kehebatannya ama jakarta timur, tapi tetep gak lupa buat ngelatih kita yang masih gaktau apa apa. makasih buat Kak Prya yang ngenalin aku ke paskib, buat kak Anto yang udah ngebahagiin temen aku wkwkw, buat Kak Lucky yang asik baik caem haha, dan buat kak amel, kak dani, kak fadli, kak iman, kak nia, kak riri, kak debora, semuanyaaaa yang postnya bakal kepanjangan kalo ditulis semuanya. tapi tetep, kalian semua kaka-kaka 26 ama 25 bener bener ngeinspirasi kita, kalian bener bener bisa jadi contoh buat kita, kalian bener bener berjasa banget nularin semua ilmu kalian :)

kalo liat pin DP yang sekarang tersimpen didompet, inget ama pin Capas yang selalu gue pake dulu sebelum pelantikan.

kalo liat pin DP yang sekarang tersimpen didompet, inget ama semua momen momen latihan yang disiplin dan tegas.

kalo liat pin DP yang sekarang tersimpen didompet, inget ama polo shirt putih dimasukin kedalem jins pakai ikat pinggang dengan topi dan handuk hgm dibelakang.

kalo liat pin DP yang sekarang tersimpen didompet, inget ama kebaikan temen temen 27 dan kebersamaan bareng 26 :')

kalo liat pin DP yang sekarang tersimpen didompet, inget kalo temen-temen, kaka-kaka, pelajaran-pelajaran, dan pengalaman yang aku dapet sekarang, gak mungkin bisa aku dapetin dari mana-mana lagi kecuali dari kalian. makasih semua waktu, makasih semua ilmu, semua keputusan, tindakan, dan semua semuanya yang pasti ada pelajaran buat aku petik. makasih udah pernah ngajarin ke aku gimana caranya pushup, apa pentingnya upacara, dan seberapa berharganya bendera merah-putih. aku sayang sama kalian :3

"Haha sekelas lu entar ama gue di IPS!" PART II

2010-04-21T04:58:00.000-07:00

lanjut ke part2, mau tentang osis. lalala

"satu untuk semua, semua untuk satu!!"

Afaf Dini Hamid, anggota sekbid 2 atau seksi bidang Kehidupan Berbangsa dan Bernegara, angkatan 23, tahun periode 2010/2011, kalau ada salah tulis.............maaf -_-

masuk OSIS di SMAN 21 termasuk prestasi, ialah yang masuk kan terpilih. 3 LDKO, 1 Pelantikan. semuanya bareng bareng. awal pertama PRA-LDKO, lupa tepatnya berapa. sempet jadi calon ketua angkatan, tapi gak kepilih.......zet zet yang kepilih Afgan. yang paling ganteng dari semuanya -_-- gakpapa gakpapa

yang kaya di post sebelumnya, kita mulai deh kerja bareng buat setiap LDKO di hari sabtu. kesekolah pagi, terus lari pagi, terus ganti baju, terus materi, ada makan siang, terus solat, terus materi. dan begitulah setiap Sabtu selama 3 minggu sebelum pelantikan. tiap LDKO gak gitu gitu aja, ada aja hal barunya makanya ga bosen dan unpredictable. dari jenis bekel yang unik, sampe tugas tugas yang okey punya. tugas tugasnya beragam, tapi yang paling gue suka pas bikin produk. gue sekelompok ama Afgan ama Rafa, dimentorin sama kak Anind dan kak Fadhlan. kita bikin celengan, bagus banget arti dari setiap garis, gambar, dekorasi, warna dan makna dari celengan itu sendiri. sweet banget deh

3 pelantikan yang udah kami lalui gabisa dibilang nyantai. soalnya yang mau jadi OSIS kan harus dididik disiplin, tanggung jawab, dan pekerja keras. jadi nerima tugas dan harus sampai disekolah tepat waktu itu wajar, ditambah peraturan lain kaya sepatu harus item semua, bawa bekel yang udah ditentuin, ganti baju kilat ya semua dirancang supaya kita bisa kerja cepet gak males. di LDKO juga kami dituntut buat pikir cepet, dilatih argumen, keberanian, mental dan lain lain pokoknya semua hal yang emang dibutuhin buat jadi pengurus OSIS

3 LDKO dilaluin bareng bareng, perlahan lahan satu per satu gugur. dari yang puluhan, angkatan 23 tersisa jadi 19 orang yang hebat hebat.
ada Abel di wakil sekretaris
ada Prita di wakil bendahara
ada Andam ama Wulan di sekbid 1
ada Gue, Pedly, ama Eva di sekbid 2
ada Rias ama wawan di sekbid 3
ada Afgan ama Arabela di sekbid 4
ada Idham ama Melia di sekbid 5

ada Rafa ama Farry di sekbid 6
ada April ama Panji disekbid 7
dan terakhir,
ada Dinda ama Alyani disekbid 8

ini gambar pejuang-pejuang angkatan 23,

kita ber19 maju ke pelantikan. 2 hari 1 malem berjuang di sekolah bareng bareng. kesalahan satu orang, ya kesalahan satu angkatan. dan kebalikannya, kebaikan satu orang, bisa ngebagusin nama angkatan

denger angkatan 23, gak lengkap kalo gak bahas 22. mereka OSIS kelas 2 yang satu taun lebih dulu dilantik, kaka-kakanya angkatan 23. mereka jumlahnya lebih banyak dari kita, ada 30 orang. gak ada namanya batas kesabaran mereka buat ngebimbing kita, ngajarin kita caranya organisasi, dan nyumbangin berjuta juta ide mereka yang mahal banget. tapi yang pasti, namanya up and down itu gak pernah kehindar. ada saat kita nangis, ada saat kita ketawa. kerjasama antara 22 dan 23 belum pernah gue dapetin di tempat lain

kekokohan benteng OSIS 21 diketuain ama Kak Raja, dibantu wakil 1, Kak Agung ama wakil II, Kak Dani. ada Kak Novi, Kak Chaya, Kak Wina di barisan BPH. ada Kak Reza, Kak Chandra, Kak Mucho, Kak Bani, Kak Bima, Kak Andre, Kak Fadhlan, ama Kak Risma di barisan Koordinator sekbid. dan ada Kak Panji, Kak Gadis, Kak Astrid, Kak Bilqis, Kak Della, Kak Nindy, Kak Lulu, Kak Michael, Kak Ola, Kak Misel, Kak Anind, Kak Uci, Kak Chindee, Kak Bopit, Kak Gamal, Kak Rani dibarisan Anggota sekbid, mereka yang jadi pembimbing, mereka kakak-kakaknya angkt23, mereka adalah angkatan 22

bareng mereka kita sama sama ngejaga benteng pertahanan OSIS 21, bareng bareng kita jadi penyalur aspirasi siswa siswi sman 21, bareng bareng kita jadi panutan, jadi siswa siswi terpilih yang bisa jadi contoh buat yang lainnya

yg dibikin ama kak fadhlan di papan tulis ruang sekos waktu kita mau proker angkatan 23, Stardust :')

yang kaya gue bilang di post sebelum ini. proker yang dijalanin bareng kaka kaka dan temen temen udah banyak banget mulai dari proker pertama Bupusma, jamu kita, baksos, classmeeting, Green The Earth ampe proker yang sekarang lagi berlanjut Turboplast.

bener deh, udah 8 bulan mau ke 9 bulan setelah pelantikan. banyak banget yang ga bisa ditulis disini, sumpah deh kaka-kaka 22 aku sayang banget ama kalian. temen temen 23 juga, sayang gue ke kalian gak ada yang bisa jelasin.

kalo disini kedengerannya lebay, engga. emang bener gue sayang banget banget bangetan ama semua pengurus osis tanpa terkecuali. soalnya kita berjuang bareng, jatoh bangun bareng, dan kita semua satu kan? :")

kalo mereka nanya, what are the things i really love about sman 21? and with no doubt i'll say OSIS dan Paskib for sure. di PART III gue janji deh cerita gimana paskib juga bisa bikin gue enjoy di 21, stay tune and thanks for the time guys :3

"individually we are one drop. together we are an ocean"- Kak Risma.

dia juga yang ngedit, orangnya yang pake kacamata duduk disampingku. foto ini diambil di panggung abis proker Green The Earth yang diketuain ama Kak Risma juga, dia kaka 22 paling kusayang, tapi dianya sayang ama orang lain uups gak boleh bercanda frontal ya disini kak~ nanti lebih jauhnya aku jelasin tentang kakaku satu ini di part IV :3

thank you for all the times we've shared, for the moments all of you have blessed my life.

setiap detik pin OSIS 21 kesemat didada, selama itu juga kehormatan gak henti hentinya aku rasakan :')

"Haha sekelus lu entar ama gue di IPS!"

2010-04-19T04:37:00.000-07:00

still clearly echoing on my mind.

gakerasa bung hampir mau setaun udah lulus dari SMP Tugasku. kepikir buat masuk sma Jubilee, Alazka, ampe IIHS. tapi gak ada yang namanya mau masuk negeri. sejujurnya, dari dulu gue ama temen-temen kurang berbaur ama yang namanya sekolah digit atau negeri. pandangan kita selalu negatif tentang mereka, mungkin bawaan gue ama temen-temen gue yang belum pernah nyobain negeri dan pergaulan gue yang kurang bebas terbatas ama anak-anak sekolah swasta atau inter. manalagi keluarga gue, bokap-nyokap sepupu tante om ama si kakak, ga ada yang lulusan negeri, kalaupun ada itu cuman satu. bener bener buta gue tentang sekolah negeri.

Tiba-tiba, gue lupa exactnya kenapa gue mau banget masuk 68. kayanya gue korban sinetron yang keliatannya asik pake baju putih-abu abu gue jadi pengen, kemakan juga cerita sepupu gue yang satu satunya di negeri itu, dia anak 68. semenjak itu gue bertekad banget masuk 68.

buat persiapan UAN, gue termasuk miniiiim banget. bahkan bisa dibilang nol. gue ga pernah masuk kelas, dikelas gue ngobrol, ngerusuh, tidur, bengong, cabut. bahkan gue gakikut bimbel yang disedian sekolah, waktu anak-anak bimbel. gue malah ngadem diruang guru apa engga milih pulang. TAPI semenjak gue mau banget 68, gue mulai privat ama mae. fyi, itu cuman sekitar 2 minggu sebelum UAN.

pake modal nem 34,00 gue keterima di SMAN 21, gelombang 2 urutan 6.

dari awal, walaupun gue yang milih masuk negeri (80% paksaan nyokap sih) gue gak pernah enjoy di negeri ampe curhat ama pak kamil gakmau tau harus pindah. gaknyangka gue bertahan udah mau setaun disini dan lots of things has changed, so many ups and downs. untuk pertama kali pake baju putih abu-abu, pertama kali liat satu angkatan ratusan, pertama kali sekolah di negeri, banyak pertamanya yang gue dapet di sekolah ini.

Sabtu 16 Juli 2009.

Pra-MOS, masih pake baju Tugasku. inget banget masih dianterin mama pake alesan belum daftar ulang karena gelombang 2. in fact, gue masih takut ._. masih gak nyadar gue anak negeri sekarang. pra mos gue dateng rada telat, masih belum kebiasa ama jam setengah 7. ba bi bu gue gaikut apel langsung ke kelas. kelas udah penuh, cuman 2 bangku kosong didepan pojok. gue duduk sendiri, langsung mau nangis gatau kenapa sedih.

Senen-Rabu, MOS

mulai MOS, nothing too special. belum cukup bikin gue seneng, dihari ke 2 baru ngeh satu kelas ama Juliet, yaudah untung udah ada temen.

Kamis, mulai belajar

gue dipindahin kelas, ke kelas X-1. makin mau mati sangking sedihnya musti cari temen lagi. dikelas itu bener bener gak ada yang gue kenal. lagi lagi duduk sendirian, bedannya ini dibelakang -.- tapi untung ternyata gue sekelas ama Rara, setidaknya ada yang dikenal. lama lama kenal ama Rias, ama Dinda, dan lain lain. masih inget temen sebangku pertama gue itu si Geo. bener bener beda ama yang selama ini gue rasaian, dari model kelas aja udah beda banget. mana gue duduk belakang, dan kelas isinya 40 orang, shock banget ngeliat depan kayanya jauh banget. mana dari dulu gak tau kenapa semua guru yang masuk pasti ngeceng-cengin gue, terus diketawain satu kelas. makin ngebenci mereka yang ada. apalagi Gana ama Dana yang duduk serong dari gue, kerjaan mereka cuman jailin gue, berisik, cengin. dulu rasanya kalo boleh ngebunuh, ya mereka yang gue bunuh. mana kelas rasanya panas, gak ada temen, bawaan bt mulu. makanya dulu gue gak pernah lepas dari iphone gue, kerjaan gue cuman sms temen-temen smp gue, curhat ama mereka ngata ngatain kelas gue. sabar banget idup gue waktu itu.

butuh waktu lama buat adaptasi disini, apalagi ama guru gurunya. belum lagi pendaftaran OSIS udah dimulai, pengen banget ikutan. tapi waktu itu mental belom siap, tapi karena dasarnya suka ama organisasi, siap gak siap gue ambil. karena gak ada kesempatan kedua di kelas dua. awal masuk jadi capsis, yang dikenal cuman Prita. itu juga karena satu SD. ada Fardin yang dulu kenal cuman sebatas tau muka. sama Rara yang emang kenal dari dulu, tapi gak pernah deket. selebihnya, gak ada. modal mental yang masih shock, mood yang berantakan mulu, temen yang terbatas. lanjoot aja tapi gue, makanya kayanya semua tugas berat banget, apalagi kalo udah disuruh kerja bareng, gak ada temen mana prita suka pulang cepet yaudah berasa malapetaka banget. tapi dengan kerja bareng itu gue mulai kenal capsis-capsis yang lain. pertama Pedly, yang ternyata selama ini sekelas. terus Zendy, ada Panji, Rafa, Resita, Della, dll yang mulai kenalan dulu.

kalo inget jaman jamannya pake nametag, pulpen biru dikantong, ama pake dasi, gak kerasa sekarang udah pin yang kesemat di dada, gak kerasa udah jalanin proker bareng kaka-kaka, gak kerasa gak cuman boleh masuk ke ruang sekretariatan osis atau sekos, tapi foto gue udah ada di bagan anggota pengurus OSIS.

lalala cerita setaun masih panjang, gak mungkin lah ada di satu post doang. berlanjut ke post berikutnya ya ntr, thankyou :3

2010-02-20T20:58:00.000-08:00

wheel of fortune keeps rolling,

turns upside and down,

sometimes we're pleased,

sometimes we're worried,

sometimes we laugh

sometimes we cry

sometimes we're special,

sometimes.............. we're not

and i miss being anything, everybody's not.

rainbow. without rain. it's only a bow

2010-01-09T16:31:00.000-08:00

(sorry for the bad resolution, it was pretty huge raining)

who says that rainy is a bad whether and sunny is the good one? you can't see rainbow on sunny.

still thinking that rainy is a bad thing?

who says that rainy is a bad whether and sunny is the good one? you can't have lots of water on sunny.

still?

who says that rainy is a bad whether and sunny is the good one? you can't be on one umbrella on your love on sunny.

still thinking the same? then, you really need new lens for your eyes.

if only rainy is a bad whether, then why people on Arab feel so grateful about rain? doesnt mean, you should be an Arabian for feeling thankful about rainy. but you just need to think the other side about rain........

it's all the same with turbulance/ failure/ collapse/ unsuccessful/ washed-out/ etc gosh you name it....

once a rain pour on your life, doesnt mean the fail was yours. it's all just a beginning for a beautiful rainbow. you damn get it?

a rain on your day wont make you die, go search your sun, and make your own rainbow :)

(idk why i put this picture up. just a thought it's kinda like raining because the blur. it's taken while raining anyway)

you are the one who saying that this gonna be the same as the other years. so thats why i treat this day so cold, like nothing's happening

2009-12-31T16:07:00.000-08:00

first, i'm gonna say happy new year, all the best wishes for our life on 2010, for all my reader :) WOOOO WOOOO!! (trying to sound like trumpet, but kinda failed -_-') after a massive night, lots of fireworks popping and trumpets everywhere, what's YOUR new resolution? hah? me? oh well, the last night i was so fucked up. a rock hit my friendship with Aulion. so i said that i wont make wishes or resolution or whatev. last night i thought every years would be the same. i knew, they wont come true so i stopped hoping for a new life. last night i felt like, "for god sake, i dont get it why people gets so excited about this day. i mean, it's just the last number of date which changing". and i went so emo on my Twitter and Facebook BUTTTTT this morning a text from him changed everything

:)) let me show you what this message told me about:

"udah berapa tahun ya faf kita sahabatan, ga taunya udah tahun baru aje. alhamdulillah ya faf meskipun tahun baru itu bodoamat, seengaknya gue ngerasa kita temenan lamaa bgt, org pacaran aja kalah ya hahaha. alhamdulillah juga gue ga pernah ngebentak lo, marah2in lo, tp gapapa kok faf gue dimarahin lo. kan lo pernah bilang klo kita egois, dan wajar dong kalo ada yg marah. tenang faf, jgn sedih taun baru ini, soalnya masih banyak yg lebih sedih dari lo. maaf ya faf klo kalimat gue salah atau ga pake bahasa inggris. gila aja deh gue kalah ama filmaker lawan penulis handal, pasti kalimat gue ga sosweet. bodo amat ya so sweet apa engga, i would like to say happy changing year. okeh! maaf lahir batin ya faf. -Aulion xoxo. ssesese hahaha"

fiuh, a pretty long text huh? well, since we forget the exact time when we claimed ourselves as "bestfriend" then, we use the new year event as the barometer how long we've became bestfriend. according to my calculation, we've shared our life for about 3 YEARS, it's such a long damn time. thanks for this 3 years we've spent together, thanks for the tears and laugh you've blessed every steps on my life, thanks for the light you brought when the darkness covered my life, thanks for catching me and bringing me up everytime i fall, thanks for being here when the rest walked out, thanks for being the one i can fully trusted on, thanks for being so kind, so wise, and so gentle when facing our problems, thanks for the movies you made for me, and thanks for every movies you asked me to help you, frankly, that's one of my favorite activites to go make movies with you, thanks for keeping my secrets, thanks for being the best i've ever had.

message for him gave me lots of hopes and wishes for 2010. let me show you, what i wish deep inside :)

-i'm gonna make myself. wiser, mature, and respectful
-stop whinning, start to learn to accept every God's decision
-spend more time with my family
-stop thinking about how unfair life is, life has its own Director
-stop being selfish, start to believe that i lived with peoples. and i'm not the only one who's surviving
-try to be thankful for everything God has given, life is a present for us
-the point of all this wishes just one, God plese help me to be a better person on 2010. AMEN

every starts has their own ends. 2009 has ended, 2010 has come, HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

ps: i'll post about what i've done on 2009. but i've got to list what the thing i need to write. just wait and be patience guys :)
ps2: FINALLY I BOUGHT A NEW CAMERA. well, not the one i wanted and craved for. but, this one's pretty good and i hope it'll help me bring back my light on this blog :')

a picture is worth a thousand words.....

2009-12-22T01:21:00.000-08:00

(click the picture for a larger view)

the picture shows it all.......... happy mothers day every mom!!!!

2009-12-16T05:34:00.000-08:00

falling in love with who loves girl is way easy, either with playboy. otherwise, fall for a guy who haven't understands how big LOVE effects a girl's life is, gets bigger percentage to fail.

got it?

new photos just came out!

2009-12-05T19:37:00.000-08:00

voilaaa, my iPhone is back to hit the town and i added an app called Polarize and it seems i fall for it :D so i polarized every photos of mine and i want to share em with you. so i decided to sticked em on my blog, and tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ps: yes, more photos will be added as soon as a flash ;P
ps2: they look darker here :(

Ririe Ramadhona is a new wonderwoman

2009-12-03T21:58:00.000-08:00

time heals everything. so does what time did to my blog. sorry for leaving this blog up to abnormal. yes, i'm a damn highschooler. yes, i'm damn busy. and also a thing called twitter hate this blog and tried to kill it.
after one pelantikan, a huge exam and one of my uncle passed away. this month, i mean, november couldnt be any worse. lots of things happened. starts from little goes to the biggest problem, everything on this november, this month, these 4 weeks. from my 'pelantikan' (til now, i still have no idea what pelantikan really means on english) of PASKIBRA, my sister's sweet seventeen goes to little things like i ruined my phone and the front side is now cracked up, and how i dropped my DHARMAPUTRA badge and so did my senior keep it. gosh, everything went bad on november.
and about 2012 movie. frankly speaking, i havent go check the movie yet, but it freaks me out for sure. i mean, i havent be ready yet to leave this earth.
talking about leave the earth. one of my beloved uncle passed away and it made me drop my tears, i mean, for a people like me.... crying is-not-so-me but yeah. whatever. i miss you already papa haris and sorry for wasnt being there at your funeral. may Allah bless you. I LOVE YOU.it became one of my biggest regret, about why why why i wasnt able to go with my sister year ago to go to america visit him. i mean, it's been along time since the last time i went to america :(let's go to the whole point of this post. my new role model. a girl with a strong heart and a soft smile. a girl who got striked by a life thousand times but never gets down. a girl who always be the victim of life but never give up. a girl with a heavy load on her shoulders but never get tired. a girl whos always busy by problems but never stop working those out. RIRIE RAMADHONA. the toughest girl ever born.

she once sent me this when a rock hit me. see? she's a damn wonderwoman

her father just rest in peace. leaving this world, went to see Allah. move to a better a place. and watch Ririe from the other side of this world. may Allah gives him and all the family an endless happiness. Amen

Love you even more, ririe

la la la --'

2009-11-03T06:02:00.000-08:00

a friend of mine once asked about my love life on the past. no words i could explain. i stucked on this question, this was a thousand times harder than math on the white board. it freezed my lips. all the memories came recalled on sudden. i tried to look normal, and i said, "i got no ex" and tried to laugh. the bitterest laugh ever popped out this mouth. i've never been in a serious relationship. the boys keep coming and leaving in a clap. i can't hold em, just like seasons. they keep changing and i am tolerating em. 2 rules were on in this relationship. they love me, i pretend to love em & i play em before they break me. boys just waste my time, and they dont actually deserve it

i wished you everything

2009-10-26T05:57:00.000-07:00

on the 26th of october at the morning. i came to your house, knocking at the door and came in. i saw you slept, and tried so hard to make no noise. i lighted up the candle. and carried the cake. i kissed you on the cheek. and said "happy sweet seventeen my prince" you woke up. i was the first you saw when you opened your eyes. you called my name. and said "thank you my princess" you kissed me back and kept saying how happy you were. then suddenly,
BAM
the teacher woke me up. pushing me back to face the reality. thrusting on me to leave my perfect dreamland. realizing me on where i am right now. "happy birthday kak" "ok thanks" was the truth. there were no cake, the princess-prince thingy, even the kisses. he's just way too far.

never combine a heroine with a cocaine. they will fuck you up for life

2009-10-25T04:37:00.000-07:00

xxxxxx says:
fy, he's gonna hve his bday 2morrow. what will ya do?

Afaf Dini says:
errr stiil dk. but the first thing that popped out on my mind is try to forget him

xxxxxx says:
wat th fuck he has done 2 make u said those stuffs, hun? tell me :x

Afaf Dini says:
nothing

xxxxxx says:
err, idont really get it

Afaf Dini says:
you wont understand

xxxxxx says:
dare me

Afaf Dini says:
hes just too effin addicted and i'm sure i dont want to fall for the other drugs. i mean, ive once being hurted and i dont want to fail for the second. once feels enough and the pain still on my chest. it's just too hard for me to fall for more. i'm his fan. his biggest fan. and i wont change myself to be a lover. is this enough?

xxxxxx says:
idk what to write

Afaf Dini says:
so do i

xxxxxx says:
iv gtg. anything left you need 2 say. text me hun

Afaf Dini says:
k, thanks dear. A lot

xxxxxx says:
love. xx

Afaf Dini says:
byes

what a conversation

if only you were one of OSIS. i'm sure i'll get this for you on MOS

2009-10-03T18:24:00.000-07:00

hm, how we start it? let's see
hay i'm affy. oh well, i mean, i'm Afaf Dini Hamid on the grade X-1
ohkay, i wont be surprised if you dont know me though
i'm a junior and you're senior. yes?
you dont need to reply this or whatever, and i'm not expecting you to find and thank me
seeing you reading this is enough to make me fly

to be honest, i dont know what to write, what to say, what to do
i mean, if i were you i might be like, "what the hell this creppy girl saying?"
and this puts me on my nerves, in case.. you really were

oh great, i'm getting damn nervous and sweety. let's get it on the point

yes frankly, i like you, i got attracted by you, i was thingking about you, and i cant get you outta my mind. and that annoys me. obviously

i spend my time in front of a box called monitor checking your facebook and wonder if you were there across the monitor and i go do weird happy dances.
i go crazy every time the school time was over and i sit down with my girls and seeing you and cant stop smiling and thingking of everything about you.
i go insane everytime you come to my mind.
i'm proud and showing off your achievements to all my friends and saying how you are like the perfect guy ever born, besides i'm your nothing.
i always get speachless everytime you talk to me and it caused you think i'm weird, perhaps?
i can now sing the Kelsey-metro station and True To Me-metro station because i really do feel like the singer. the lyrics now fits me perfectly, and it seems like the songs specially wrote for us. because "i want you so much" and "he's one in the million".
and i always do remember one of your friends telling me you like me. and how i wanted it to be true...

xoxo

i forgot the feeling when i was in love, anyone wants to recall it?

2009-10-02T06:24:00.000-07:00

"And I'll swim the ocean for you. the ocean for you. whoa, oh Kelsey. and I'll swim the ocean for you. the ocean for you. whoa, oh Kelsey. (i hear you darlin')"

currently listening to Kelsey by Metro Station.
my heart starts to beat along with the rythm, my lips start to sing the lyrics, and i start to enjoy the song. trying to analyze what the purpose of the writer to wrote that song.

i didnt really get it. so i keep playing the same song, repeatedly. the part which i really do understand just the reff section. he keeps saying "i want you so much". and his passion really shows us how he really need that girl. the girl who this song was written to is such a lucky girl.
i really do miss my the times when i felt like i was totally like the singer. i need him, i want him, and i love him. it's such a long time after my last love. the stupid bean? he's owned. the hothead bandplayer? he's such a jerk. and the popular model senior? idk.
i mean, i'm not brave enough to smile at him, even just say hi. but i'm not strong enough to face the reality he wasnt mine. big decisions.

"i want you, so much. i need you, so much. i need your, i need your, your touch"

we're almost done ;)

2009-09-26T22:16:00.000-07:00

the new layout its arrived guys! thanks for being such a patient reader :) i know i'm late. haha

let me introduce one of a great friends of my blog. DAVITA KUSUMA. go check her blogs. it's her personal blog and this one's for her layouts. and the good news is, you can request your own by email her. that's the point!

i'm seriously telling you guys. she's the bomb. go check it, it's worth your time.

click to get to her facebook
and her twitter

thanks Davita, and thanks guys for supporting me keep writing on this blog
xoxo,
affyeaheroine

ps: yes it's not over yet. i have to fix there, there, and there. so many things have to be fixed up. so yes, i'm still waiting for my camera :)

ps2: i'm not sure about all things will be done before this holiday ends. i mean, there are only 3 days left. so, i'm sorry for the bad postpone. but i promised you i'll be back as fast as the word itself. ciao

things pushed me to fall for him

2009-09-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

his lazy smile, his tall and kinda skinny body, his brown sugar skin, the way he looks like a model, the steps he took on that afternoon and how he got punish, how he plays the basketball, how his friends told me he likes me and how I wanted that to be true, everytime he makes this brain full with him, his moonwalk that looks exactly like mj's, how he asks his friend that's one of my ex-senior too to go home, he looks cute, his name, his black shirt, his lovely body, what he said when he denied to pay the money for bupusma, his smile when I thanked him for coming on that night, and he raised his hand a bit, how he comes gather with us when I chat with his friends, the strong and exact steps he makes when carrying the flag, every inches of his body, every single time he makes my heart beats faster. everything of him

on the process

2009-09-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm still thingking about the new layout and how I can get it, based on the skill I have on designing a website.... *sigh* I need someone to help me, please please? :D and, I'm still begging my mom for a new... Cameraaaaaa. Oh and you guys, if you have any good recomendation, tell moi, via twitter facebook or everything. k k? I can't decide which one is the best with absolutely a low price. I promise everything we'll be back before the holiday ends.

officialy, affyeaheroine
xoxo

under construction?

2009-09-19T00:43:00.000-07:00

yes it is. tomorrow is Hari Raya, (for those upon whom muslim) and i'm gonna renew this blog. new pictures coming up, i'm still on the process begging my mom for a camera, so i can light this blog a bit up. what's up on my life? Paparazzi by Lady gaga stucked on my head, i love the lyrics and it fits my life perfectly at the moment. and yesss, i'm currently in love with a model. ROFLOL. no i'm just kidding about the model thingy. i'm attracted by a guy on my school, damn he looks like a model with a tall and kind of skinny body, and his face just like a... oh shut up this love things. oh and Bintang a.k.a Beany -_-' told me something last night and i cant believe i cant get it outta my mind. i cant tell here, but i can promise is something huge. so it a bit annoys me at times but just change the topic, anyway sorry for removing your links here and also the chat box. please dont take it too seriously. doesnt mean i'm being arrogant or something, but i'm no longer do exchange links or blogwalking things. i'm too busy to reply all the messages back, but hey guys! i appreciate it, damn much! because you know, reader is the first reason a writer writes. you can keep dropping hi via my twitter or facebook, see? easy as 1 2 3. search moi: Afaf Dini Hamid on facebook and Affyeaheroine on twitter. oh talking about twitter, tomorrow or sooner or later i might stop following you guys whose twitter just talks pointless and in bahasa. i mean, this is 21th century, dont waste your time and oh cmon, english is needed for our future. once again, dont take too seriously, your twitter and blog are just not so interesting according to ME. sorry :)

officialy, love. affyeaheroine xx

@aulion

2009-09-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

i'm just gonna make a short post here, due to the sucks connection and it's such a late at night here.

i was kinda dissapointed at one of my best boy, and that was the time i really need him. i taught he doesnt care about me, at all.

i woke up and went online. i signed in my msn and appeared to be offline. i was really in a bad mood to talk. i updated my twitter and checked my replies, but the web wasnt able to show the whole replies, sucks connection. and he suddenly talked to me and left some offline messages. and i was like, "wtf, he knows me even i appeared to be offline" well, even he doesnt know i was there accross the monitor, it was such a great accidental.

and he called me at times. and i was too sick to answer the phone. he texted me once and i cant reply it back, i got no energy at all to reach my mobile phone.

i tried to sleep, tried to forget all the problems, and started to keep positive thingking.

my phone rang suddenly and it woke me up from my dream, a call from unknown number. i knew it was him. and yes i was right. i answered the telephone and we talked. he asked about what was i feeling, and the other simple question. i suddenly realized he's the one who could make me better. sooner or later i have to fix all of the problem before i die, because he's such my breath.

i dont care about how he treats me, does he care at me or not, how much he loves me, what has he done for me, or the other stupid question. i've told you he's my breath, he's the other part of me which missing and i've found it, he's my twins

if i was the yin, than he's the yang

and he completed me like noone ever did. my love to him is just uncountable, as big as the word 'LOVE' can be. he doesnt even know how much i love him

oh and one more, LOVE doesnt always talks about romance. love is universal guys.

for the first time i fall in love without any efforts

2009-09-12T23:29:00.000-07:00

affyeah rules the internet

once again, i typed this while i was on my class. this class scares me a bit. the crowd freaks me out. i've never been this lost while i was still on my old school. i looked at my left and found cheap bitches adore their own figures, think theyre the best and try the best to impress the jocks. i turned my head to the left , you'll find a bunch of guys dare each of em to do somthing extreme just to prove they are that tough.

is not something i used to feel. their laugh scares me, their tear pleases me. they arent my friends. i even get happy when one of them is on pain. i always have it on my mind, that they dont deserve every inch of my smile. they claim they are my friends. i cant see how it reals....

some guys trying to solve the rubiks, some girls were gossiping. just like the other common 15 aged teenagers. i'm sure i miss my old school, where everythigs extra-ordinary...

it feels harder to face the reality, the dreamland seems like the perfect place for me to escape myself

'if-onlys' keep rolling and my brain keeps trying to answer all the Qs. but however, i just could leave em all left unaswered at it remains

the Qs get harder than the math test that is complicated enough for me to makes my brain twists.

the questions of 'whys' and 'if-onlys' about how i can be here is just way too complicated. even for the smartest people ever. its like a 16767325893657 pieces of puzzle with blank picture on it.

http://twitter.com/affyeaheroine

2009-09-06T23:45:00.000-07:00

guys, the affyeah is back.

english for now on, Bahasa just cant really express myself out.

i was typing this while i studied how to make circles by cloth, such an useless time i spent here. and i was lying my back on the wall and keep track on people around, i found so many differences they got here, so many stories born. and i realized, i've got to spend 3 years of my life here, my school

today was bad like it used to be. the guys and girls here just cant shut their mouth up, the class is so crowded and i feel lost. i lost the track of time, and i cant feel my heart, i'm being such a heartless. and i cant understand every signal my brain tries to send to me, feels like nothing. is this something like moodless?

this is where i can really express myself. sounds so chessy? yes it does

i like cheese anyway

i was dazed, when my teacher called my name, and i immediately handed off my blackberry device, put it on my bag and started to concentrate on what techer said. but this brain didn't work.

i tried to put every words on my brain, and try to analyze each of them. they're just too hard. and i got bored so easily

can't take my hand back when it took my blackberry off the bag, i felt so bored. i cant help it. and i really cant understand my teacher. i started to type this over again.

the wind came by the windows beside me, and the fan keeps rolling above us. i was damn sleepy. every single words from my teacher sounded like alien, is so hard for me to think.

i decided to take some rest while the teachers cant stop speaking. i lay down my head on my bag, heading to dreamland, leaving the reality.

damn, the bell rang. the school time was over. and i'm still missing my old friends. i remember clearly every single words they've blessed me with their laughs.

oh well, here i am again. standing still here watching the clock tik-toking and seperated from my old friends.

do i sound sooo desperate?

this brain is about to explode

2009-09-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

hey hey hey

it's affyeah back on the topic, guysss

gue mau nulis pake bahasa indonesia oooow

sebelum malaysia ngambil bahasa ini -.-

ececececce

terus terus, mau nyapa temantemankyu tercinta yang gue tau bakal baca ini,

haay aulion, ian, taya, thaib, ririe, aqila, dll

apung ah

EITS INI POSTINGAN PERTAMA YANG BAHASA INDONESIA

plokplokplok

what's up on these days?

nothing much, cuman yesh, this life getting crazier each and each day

dan...... koneksi internet sekarang sedang membuatku emosi

untuk lagi ga puasa, eitssss

ini malem gitu -.-

mau ngomong apa? gatau, td thoib nanya gue udah update blog apa belom, jadi inget gue udah lama ga buka. hm so yes ini diaaaaaaaa

oh yesh, what's really up to is,

i've changed ALOT. damn LOTS

kata iano, gue kampung sekarang

kata aqila, aku sibuk sekarang

kata ririe, aku getting kurus ga fresh sekarang

kata taya, dan tante pipin, om budi, mama, papa, ka elaf, tante dila, DLL aku kurusan sekarang (Y)

kata rifqi, aku kotor

dan kalo kata aku, aku ga bahagia sekarang -__________-

nyeeet sumpah ya, stressnya beneran. ga kaya waktu di tugasku yang namanya kata stress itu gaada, ya hm well except the boys thingy ya eitsss eceecececee

gue baru sadar, ulangan gue remed semua kecuali fisika yang jelasjelas gue nyontek, english yang emang cuman ini yg gue bisa, dan geografi yang eits guekan anak ips (Y)(Y). selain itu, gue remed. HE BAT

dan, nilainya ga tanggung-tanggung. 0,2 lah 1 komaan, gue dapet.

matematika karena gue ketiduran, pkn itu mepeeeeet bgt nilainya, sejarah susah, kimia ga ngerti sedikitpun, biologi ga kenal, dan lain lain yang pasti karena alesannya ga ngerti dan terlalu malas buat nyontek

i'm too lazy even to hand my pencil.

dan, bawaan gue selalu malash dikelas. ga tau kenapa kelas di negeri itu enak buat tidur. didukung faktor yang kalo ketiduran gapapa dan emang bunyi kipas yang bener bener kaya nina bobo, ac yang panas, dan guru yang ngajar kaya pidato. jeng hasilnya: tidur nyenyak

dan blackberry gue internetnya mati dan males banget buat beli pulsa. iphone gue wirelessnya rusak. flexi gue ga mungkin buat internet dan alhasil: gue jarang update twitter, even bbm yang biasa gue pake buat berhubungan ama my honeybunnysweetiepie, aulion

dan ga tau kenapa, bulan puasa gue malah kelewat sibuk. mulai bupusma sekolah, osis, paskib, tugasku, keluarga, 4th, ah semuanya lah

gue bahkan ampe ga ngerti ttg tgl.

dan, gue masih ga ngerti tentang pikiran anak negeri, EITS NO OFFENSE DISINI BENER,

dan gue bukan mau beda-bedain. tapi jujur, gue masih belom bisa adaptasi karena emang gue terbiasa di swasta dari baby

hm jujur gue masih ga pw dengan kelas. yah untung ada capas 27 dan osis 23 eits hahahahah

hah setidaknya pulang sekolah gue bisa sedikit bahagia -.-

eits the clock show 9:55 PM well its kinda late for a highschooler who have to be at school at 6:00 AM so byes guys and have a nice day

wishing you everything, GBU

xoxo

affyeah

don't mad at me because i'm beautiful. mad at her because she took your boyfriend away,

2009-08-22T05:08:00.000-07:00

oh well well well, look at here. guess who's speaking? OHMFG IT'S AFFYEAH.

i've got no topic here. just let my fingers do the talk. i think nothing on my brain.

let me clear this

i'm on my home with nobody

and there's nothing special except,

the mosquito bothers me all the time

i'm currently listening to Metro Station, Nevershoutnever, and All time low

oh and i'm wearing my brand new black skinny jeans

which is

suits me better than the old one

anddd what else? oh just wanted to remain all of you guys

please, this is MY page

I'M the one who wrote all of this

I made this

and i'm somekind of ppl who doesnt regret something

if i did, then i did

if i spoke a word. i really meant it

okay guys change the topic. i wont let this post getting hotter.

so, how's the weekend?

here, everything just suck. i mean, everything's going normal. and for me, normal = suck. i need more drama guys!

oh and i'm writing this while i'm home alone. it's a bit spooky out there o.O

guys, have i tell you i'm on of the student consule?! yeah yeah yeahs

well, i'm not sure what OSIS means on english but yeah, it's somekind like that

and i'm fucking on PASKIB

it's a group of people in Indonesia that carry flag and bring it to the flagpole

with special moves that, believe me. they are c-o-o-l

it's like on military if you lived in America

oh great it's getting spookier here

lovelife?

noone has unlock my heart yet. still missing my boys on junior high school. they are fucking the best, believe me. you wont find em in your entire whole life.

40 truths, made by me. i'm not lying

2009-08-21T06:56:00.000-07:00

1) my real full name is Afaf Dini Hamid

2) i got called by Affy everyday

3) i'm sooooo picky when it comes to friends

4) i dont go to any english course. i learn it by myself

5) i love emo style. scene kids are the best

6) i got hated easily, and got loved easier

7) they love my style

8) i hope i was born as a chinesse

9) i strongly believe Yin Yang does matter

10) i have 3 phobias. scared of God, Dog, and Death

11) i think writing is where my passion was

12) i cut, dye, style my own hair

13)i know youre not gonna read all of this

14) i have a high iq

15) but i'm not gonna tell you how much it is

16) i love unreachable guy

17) i've never been in a relationship

18) i know you think i'm a liar

19) guys, that's the truth

20) dont believe it? then, stop reading

21) i'm a bad senior

22) a great junior

23) i'm good at telling lies

24) better at pretending

25) they dont like to having a problem with me

26) i kill people with my sight and words

27) if i dont like you. cleary, that means i hate you

28) i like you doesnt mean i love you

29) once you bother me, i'd try the best to kill you

30) i changed. alot

31) they think i'm a monster

32) the rest think i'm a lover

33) i think i'm a love monster

34) emo boys are my weakness

35) i thought i was Bi

36) i'm a dictator

37) i hate indonesia, at the same time i want this country to change better

38) i wanted to live in USA

39) i think i'm the unlucky person. but i'm wrong

40) if you read this. ALL OF THIS. leave "GOTCHA, I KNOW 40 THINGS ABOUT YOU" on my cbox.

xoxo

a picture worth a thousand words. i got 2 pictures here, do the math

2009-08-17T02:25:00.000-07:00

these totally hit my feeling

oh sorry

i hate common girls without specialities, they totally dont exist for meh

2009-08-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, its affyeah speaking! This is me right on my class, once again hah the atmosphere is getting hawwt. And guuys, sorry for not replying the cbox, I'm not in the mood. Like what benekdita (hah sorry for the misspell. I don't do cheat by looking at the cbox while postingg) said to me, I've got to do the best to try enjoying my new school. However, life must go on guys. I can't stuck in one place if I had alotta dreams waiting to coming true. Dream does come true, ONLY with work hard oh except youre a lucky girl. I've once said, that hang in is much harder than come in. I can easily enter this senior high school, but for hanging in, I'm not sure.

Hah gtg, my teacher is yelling to me for playing the cellphone on class. And like I've said for about thousands and one times. Sorry for the misspelled, I just don't like to read it twice its somekind a waste of time.

Byeees

xoxo,
Affyeah

i blame myself for not soaking in highschool, and i blame time for seperated me and my 4th

2009-08-02T00:34:00.000-07:00

i really do not know what should i write here

once i entered the high school, i totally blank

i totally lost track of time

i look like dumb

i have nothing to be written

i feel nothing

i have no mood

oh and,

i miss Aulion like fuck

i want him to be with me, i want him to be everywhere around him

ah and the picture on the left totally helps me alot through situation when i really need him to be my side

so i made it into my iphone wallpaper

i easily get bored

and my mood drops faster

i hate everything about high school

and i'm not trying to enjoy myself

it seems that i WILL NEVER enjoy myself

i wear mask all day long

i never laugh like i used too

and i never get attention like the way they used to treated me on junior high school

even a smile, i never smile to those who dont deserve it.

my smile is just way too expensive

oh why i'm so cold? its because you forgot to shut the refrigerator. but how about i am so hot? oh well, its given

2009-07-29T22:46:00.000-07:00

The atmosphere is damn hot here. And I try to post something via phone. its conputer class for now, and the internet doesn't work on my computer so hah I'm a little bored here. The boys are laughing and the girls are gossiping just like common. tennager loves to do. But I am just sitting here and wondering about why why why and whys that keep rolling in my brain and gonna explode it whenever they want, because the fact is my brain is exploding, I just hate the way high school playing. Unfair is everywhere and fair is nowhere. Don't try to seacrh fair here, I bet thousands bucks you won't meet here. I just hate the common girls label them self as unique. Hellooo you are so common. and about the boys, they are soooooo whatever. Oh gosh and I've got to go soon. I'm on class guys!

Ps: guys, if there so many misspelled words, just ooops and sorry, I just don't like to read them twice. It just a waste of time. Bye bye lovers

xoxo, affyeaheroine

once i left my junior high school, i lost my inspiration on writing

2009-07-26T06:03:00.000-07:00

currently wearing: taya's white tee with "world without strangers" on it, black skinny jeans which i often wash, my black converse sneakers, my hair done, and a lot of bracelets

i just got home from my week end activities. this week has been crahh-zie. i spent my energy too much. i often being in home. i miss my parents damn much. they still on outside jakarta. for about a week that feels like forever.

today they planned to be home. great. but i think i must be at bed when they arrive. they told me they'll be home at about 3 in the morning. at least they are home. i'll wake up at 3 in the morning just to make sure that they are here. i miss them like no words will ever find it.

i need them now. i just still wonder about Whys that keep roll

ing in my head. why they've got to leave me when i really need to be on their side?

i feel totally strange.

i dont think that my high school serve a thing called happiness. i don't find that thing. even i've tried the best i can do. it just feels impposible to me to find them.

and the other problem comes to love.

i trapped in a cage which held by a guy who loves to pl

ay with love, who thinks that love is a game that is fun to play with. but oh geez, why it has to be me?

he says he loves me, he says he loves her, he says he loves the other her. and the other and the other.

it's talking about a bizzare love fucking triangle

geez why i HAVE to trapped in this cage. AGAIN?

oh and Iano made this for me. i dont know why it's worth more than a picture for me. my heart always be gnawed up everytime i see this. will this become my next phobia or something?

what's the name where everything's unfair, ppl play without rules and they do the opposites of good? oh man we called it high school

2009-07-20T05:27:00.000-07:00

i know, i know. this is such a damn long time i havent post something new again.

somethings happened on my life. started by new school. yeah, i'm on high school. and it feels teribble annoying. i hate it

junior high school is way better than this. believe me.

if only there was time machine. i would like to trade for everything

i feel different. i feel strange. you know, senior high school just doesnt taste right

i'm so different now. you know, i shut my mouth on class which i never did when i was still on junior high school. i never smile which i always do when i was still on junior high school. and i feel so stupid which i never feel when i was still a junior high school student.

high school has so much unwritten rules.

and the rules are dumb

i just feel weird everytime i noticed my best friends werent here. it feels like "where all my friends gone?"

haha but i supposed to run my life on. i cant stuck my life here.

and the second

it comes about. loves

haha again?

well, i'm officially not in love with HIM anymore. you know, cocaine

i just realized he doesnt deserve every each of my part of heart

it's too expensive for a guy who doesnt know how to respect it.

and the problems goes to a new guy.

but now isnt a perfect time to shout it out loud that i love him.

eveybody arent ready enough hahaa.

nah just kidding.

it just because my heart feels like you know. confused. LOL

hahaha and it drops my mood down every single seconds he comes to my mind

oh well, it feels like 'i've got to go now"

so, byes

xoxo

ps: i feel dumb when i wrote this. so, it'll be like trashy trashy little cheesy. ROFL

he broke me up into pieces of puzzle, hoping that he can rearrange me into something he wanted. but he's just not so good at puzzling

2009-07-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

hey guys, it's terribly been a long time since the last post. and yeah, i'm missing to write down here again. what's up with me? nothing just a serious headache and a bit turbulance. and what's more? yeaah i'm officialy graduated!

before i'm about to write this post, i'm looking around on my blog and the first thought that popped out on my brain is like, "damn i was so chessy when i was in junior high school" hahaha see that? i'm officialy graduated!

so the first action that i will take is......... yeah to change the way i see something. you know, not too hyper but a bit dramatic. because, drama is important. without drama, there will be no movies, without movies there will be no director and my bestfriend, Aulion. without them, the number of jobless person will increases and okay, stop the 'without' things right here

the second that i will change here is, stop being pathetic. come on guys, life is good. yeah, i can not say everything's good here but i'm brave enough to say, everything's going to be better. without tears and pathetic poems.

and i'm gonna change the way i think about something, the way i judge them, the question of why i hate/love them. you know, everything is about the paradigm of itself. oh no, no itself. it's yourself. paradigm is about a glasses they put right in front of your eyes and when it become dirtier, the darker your sight will be. still don't get it? go get for yourself!

remember, the changes is something so important in life. not the most but more. no more pathetic poems, no more tears of boys, no more....... yeah, you fill the dot-dot-dot

deal with it, the old me will never be the new me. but the new me will always has its part when it was old.

the new me is now become definitely happier, better and idk about this one and i'm not really sure but yeah, now i'm become such a random person hahahah yeay i love that

i'll say this. doubtless. the better you give, the bigger you'll get.

the big one, the huge one, whoa hoo! the massive one! hahah

the new me has born, so goodbye the old and enjoy life :)

xoxo<3

once the cheater wins. they've got to cheat for another

2009-06-20T07:16:00.000-07:00

A: how much score you got?

B: 36.90 you?

A: me? hah just 34.00. i know i'm such a dork

B: *(thingking)yes you are...*

fuck the shut up bitch

you don't even realize yet how dork you are

how spoiled you are

how L-O-W you are

how bad you are

you are the fuckest pathetic bitch

PATHETIC

yes you are

wait, i dont even explain why i get so mad? huh

i cursed a lot

and yeah, i hate you all

"why? why you hate me?" you say with a sad pathetic bitch face

shut up

no. i dont write this for someone

i wrote this for

EVERYBODY WHO ARE REALLY PATHETIC THAT DON'T EVEN HAVE BRAINS. SO THEY HAVE TO CHEAT. HEY WHERE THE HECK YOUR BRAIN?

you think, your mother and your father would happy with your 35.00 or even higher?

nah

they would CRY

CRY SO HARD AND DAMN SAD UNTIL THEY DON'T EVEN COULD DROP THEIR TEARS ANYMORE JUST BECAUSE THEY DON'T BELIEVE WHAT THEIR CHILDREN DID

CHEAT ON NATIONAL EXAM?

you should be ashmed..

35.00 or even higher from cheats is nothing

than 30.00 by YOURSELF

hah, dont even expect me to feel like, "wow, you must be damn smart!"

naah, NAH, N+O= NO

a big no for me, all i feel is like. "35.00?! YOU MUST BE KIDING I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. YOURE FUCKING PATHETIC BITCH THAT GOT A DISPLACEMENT BRAIN SO YOU DONT HAVE ANY BRAIN TO EVEN THINK OR EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME."

i even doubt you can read

and hey!

look at us

my babies passed the exams without ANY HELPS

ha-ha-ha

i EXTREAMLY proud with them

aulion, aqila, ririe, taya, bell, ryhm, niko, etc

am so damn proud of them all

they passed it

without cheat

hah am just wondering what it would be when your parents know the truth that you got the 50% or even more of the answers?

HA-HA

even your middle finger is ashmed

but MY middle finger is not,

so i give it to you :)

my currently celebrity crush. well he's not a celebrity ah whatever, am just in love with him

2009-06-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

hah just noticed why my blog is full whit damn hopeless pathetic poems.

am gonna add these videos to light up my blog.

this is the best. repeat, the B-E-S-T guy ever

well, after the Warren Peace, Randy Romance, Trace Cyrus, Pogue Parry, Prince Zuko, and Tom Felton

hah i know, its not a few guys but hey! im kind of hard to say someone is perfect.

this guy is blessed.

VISIT HIM HEREEE http://www.youtube.com/livelavalive

the videos i fell in love with

and this one is the continued one

this one is the sexiest

and this is is the funniest

this night supposed to be my best night of my life. called prom night. but what am i doing right now? sitting and typing this

2009-06-12T00:16:00.000-07:00

Right now,
Am sitting here
As usual, on my chair
In front of my computer
With nobody

Wondering what are they doing
Dancing, singing, and spinning
Joking, laughing and hugging

And at the end of the night
They are hugging, saying goodbyes
The boy just can’t hide their tears anymore
Forget about their manliness, and start to cry

And the girls

just can’t hide their jealously to each other
And start to hug everybody
Forget about their make-ups
Even they know they mascara would be melted But they don’t care

the music is changing

turns from rock which makes their feets can't stop to dance, into classic that could makes eyes drop their tears. and there can't be any avoidance

tonight is the night they have to say goodbye

remember, every good friend was once a stranger

we came to this school, together

we walked upstairs nervously, together

we scared to the seniors, together

the seniors put us into troubles, together

the senior gave us so much punishment, together

we first came to our first class, together

and so we've got to end this up, together

Hey
remember all the good time we shared?
All the rumors we made?
All the bad time we hated?
All the jokes we laughed together at?

Will you remember this part of life?
3 years we spent together
3 years we worked out together
3 years we lived together

The bad part, the good part
We always together

Hah
I remember how Aulion used to make so many films and
The way he talks. This sometimes hurt my feeling
But at the end, his words mean everything
I never met a super best friend as best as he could be
Am sure you are the greatest director the earth ever have

And Aqila, who used to cure us every single time we hurt
And who always be our leader and our older sister
A great woman
Who am sure
Someday she will be as great as her mommy and be a doctor
Like she always wanted

Ririe used to asked me stupid questions
And I love her childishness
And her caring and down to earth personality
And how she loves us
It’s so unforgettable
And she’ll be a psychiatrist as she wishing

Tayaa who used to be a popular kid
But never forget about us
She has a thousand and one friends
But we are her top one
And I bet she will be a great photographer
Based on the skill she has

Belle and Ryhm the independent girls
Who are has their own ways
And don’t care about the other
And Belle will be a stewardess and Ryhm will be a Journalist
I bet they can

Well, I can’t say every single time in Tugasku is good
But, I enjoy every single second on Tugasku

Sorry guys, I can’t attend our last party
No, doesn’t mean I’m not there

Even am here sitting alone, typing in this keyboard
And not dressed-up

I’ve put my heart in 4th
That means, I’m there
With you guys

Haha

Am not crying
Why have to cry?
It’s not the end guys
it’s a start for us
to prove to the world that the 4th generation of Tugasku
Is blessed

Hey
This past 3 years is a gift from God

and am kinda love this gift

you know what is regret? regret is something combined by so many 'If-Only's and 'I Hope's

2009-06-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

something

recall the times

when you were

my the only one

and something

remains me

that

today

what i've got

is a bunch

full of regrets

hah

am remembering

the time

when you called me

Honey

when you made

a glass of coffee

for just two of us

when you smile at me

and taught me how to

understand an analogue watch

and you said

"it's ten thirty honey"

with your face close to mine

and the sweetest smile i've ever seen

and when i fell asleep

on a bus and you sat right across me

you asked my friend

"hey, is she already fall asleep?"

hah i was not

i was there and

i heard you saying those words

with a great sounds

that sounds like

a thousand drums

that hit my heart

and suck it

with a thousand of butterflies

and do you remember

when you asked me to grab your hand

when we were in a damn long track

in a camp?

and when you looked at me

when i was tired

but still keep singing

jingle bells?

and when the other left me

and you keep there

waiting for me?

and when i was slipped and

you handed off your stick?

so i could walk easier?

and everytime when you texted me?

when i said

'we are loser'

and so you dont want to talk again?

and i got so panicked

and i texted yuo

and you said

'no, thats okay :)"

and when i full your friendster profile with comments

and when you asked me to make you a myspace profile

and when i used your profile

to checking up my broken myspace layout?

and when you decided

to choose her

not me

and you were crying

so damn hard

until you can barely breath

and when we chated on MSN

while you were crying

and i was so depressed

and you said so sorry

and we both full with regrets?

do you remember all of em?

yess i do.

will you remember me?

yess i will.

everything has a yin side and also the yang side. am the yang and i've found my yin

2009-06-04T23:19:00.000-07:00

Aulion

(click to his blog)*highly recomended

this is that guy

no he is not my boyfriend

but i'm sure he is the other

part of me which missing

he listens to me

every single time

and also times

when

i don't even talk

and it's funny

when i remember

that time

when we found out

that our fathers

are bestfriends

long time

before we met

we accidentaly

became friends

when we won

the wall magazine competition

and since then

we became bestfriends

until now

and forever

i hope

i will never

get bored

to shout out loud

to this world

'hey! look at him

he is MY bestfriend

get your ass off from him'

and am sure

that God has given him for me

to calm me down when am in anger

to raise me up when am totally down

to sensible me of things which bad or good

and i love

how he 'nudge' me on MSN

no, he is not my boyfriend

guess what?

because he makes

me realized

that

who needs boyrfriend

when you got a bestfriend

ready to catch you

everytime you fall down?

futhermore,

if we are bestfriend

then,

we have no reason to

broke up

that's what i love

from being a good bestfriend

rather a good girlfriend

if only you were a girl

i bet you are an angel.......

Click here to go to his youtube channel. he makes me proud

everything has a yin side and also the yang side. does it mean we need to listen to 2 differences musics with 2 differences genres at the same time?

2009-06-04T06:21:00.000-07:00

Aulion asked me to do this post

"There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose"

The Climb - Miley Cyrus

yes, this song is my hero. one song that makes me realized how important to proud to myself and keep my head held high and this song is about how to make failure means nothing

"You're not alone
There's more to this I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell"

You're Not Alone - Saosin

everytime my iPod starts to play this song, i just feel there is somebody holding my hand and saying, 'you are okay' and it feels like somebody has been there where everything is worse than mine

"I haven't had this feeling in a while
My armor has dropped and you made me smile
Then i start bleeding, these tears from my eyes
to the bright white tile
on the floor of heaven where you must be
thank you angel i have feelings"

Thank You Angel - November Blessing

when i hear those words whisper in my ears, it almost makes me drop my tears, it's such damn deep lyrics arranged in one such a beautiful song. whoever you are, Randy Romance had written this song for, you are such a lucky girl

"When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one"

Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

am still searching for my own guardian angel

my heart is beating for you, but you don't even realize that my heart still beats.

2009-06-03T03:48:00.000-07:00

whoa untill now

it's almost one years

i have a huge crush on you

or maybe

it's not kind of crush anymore

it's love?

who knows?

almost one year

.....i sneak to look at your face

.....i give you the best damn huge smile just for you

.....i nervous every time beside you

.....i love you

and when i check out my facebook

whoa

i realized it's almost

4 months you've left me

4 months you've been with her

4 months you love her

and it's almost 4 months too

you give me that bloody sight

you give me that bitter smile

you give me that deadly curses

that you know,

could make me weak

as easy as

a clap in your hand

if only a genie

comes and ask me 3 wishes

it would be

my friends happiness

YOUR happiness

and

a chance

take back the past

everythings are already ruined up, no time for regrets

2009-06-01T05:54:00.000-07:00

my mood won't back to normal

i'm pissed off

totally pissed off

i'm angry

yess i am

and there is

nobody

knows why

well, am telling you guys

for God sake

please,

i want a

camera

and that's pretty much

ruining up all my moods

it drops my mood

and the atmosphere

fucking

hot

and i bet

5 minutes anymore

my body

is about to melt

can't stand any longer

and my teriblle mood

pretty annoys my family

oh for God sake

i wish everything's

going back

amen

you said, "no hurt feeling" but my feel is hurted already

2009-05-31T05:43:00.000-07:00

look at this...

and

what do you think?

a camera?

a canon ps e1?

a blue camera with a 'canon' text on it?

a picture?

no, you all are wrong

i mean, yes it is a picture-of-a-blue-canon-ps-e1-camera-with-a-'canon'-text-on -it

but

it worth more than a camera on my eyes

that is what i want

for more than months

very first time

i saw a picture of it

i fell in love with it

damn i fell so hard

and i just can't believe

yesterday

which supposed to be my

day to having it

is all dissapear

because of a bit

selfish-ness from

my daddy

and my sister

and its just to incredulous

they broke my dreams

it's not about the camera

it talks about me

they don't even believe enough in me

they said so

but they look like

"you ARE only a child"

yes

my feel is hurted

and i'm totally pissed off.

dear my momma

my daddy

my sister

if only i knew

all of you would read this

i would make sure

all of you will

notice

how dissapointed am i

and i think

even

canon ps e1

won't kill

my hurt feeling

Dedicated for Ririe, sorry for sounds lame <3

2009-05-29T03:31:00.000-07:00

this one

i dedicated

for my baby Ririe

and the other Twister Sisters

am not sure

what she feels right now

but i know

she's in a terible mood

hey, true friends is a friend that could hear you

without you say a word

and i guess

it's about Graduation

doesn't mean

she worries about the grades

high school

or everything

i knew

it means

she'll leave somebody

well,

who won't?

that's probably what happen

to me

right now

am kind of scared to lose somebody

and start a new life

well, Ririe

if i wrong in translate

your feeling into

my words

I am deeply sorry

but am only trying

cheer up baby,

if only i could bring

that times

back to your hands

i will

but, is all God's

don't you worry

about the distance

and the 'Missing' feeling

if He really loves you

i bet 100 bucks,

He never leave you

xoxo, affyeaheroine

i Heart You

if i have to choose. between guys, one in a million, or million in a billion. i would like to choose the second. he got the higher differences

2009-05-28T23:50:00.000-07:00

what a hot atmosphere

just arrived from school

to fitting my suit for Graduation

i even never think about me

being graduted

and go to high school

without them, my 9B

and i would like to say

thank you

deeply for my heart

for those

who likes my blog

i appreciate it

a lot

but why don't you thank

HIM

for all the love

for all the pain

for all the inspiration

he has given to me

who said

that Love hurts?

love doesnt hurt

it just gives our life

a bit of spicy things

a bit spice

and a lot of sweet things

i cried a lot

when he left me

but smile even more

every single time he smiles at me

without Love

my life was like a 50's photo

black and white

and he bring the rest of 59 years

and it turns into

a photo of 2009

full of colors

LOVE

a word

that could change everything

LOVE

makes millions songs about it

makes millions books about it

makes millions movies about it

makes billions BLOGs about it

only by one words

LOVE

don't say it

if you don't really mean it

like i said

it's a powerful word

could change this world

into a better world

or a worse.

you choose

my time on Tugasku has already ran out. i supposed to be happy, but i'm not

2009-05-28T01:12:00.000-07:00

well, maybe it's because

i know, you won't be there

and we'll forget each other

starting a new life

and i feel so bored now

i don't know

what the heck is happening

i'm not in love anymore

i'm not in anger anymore

i have nothing

just arrived at home

and took a bath

and it's kinda refresh me or something

housemaid made me french fries

and it's kind of remind me of you

you eat a lot. don't you? :P

wondering

when we gradute someday,

will you remember me?

will we keep this 'friend'ship?

idk

there is nothing i hold

would guarantee

you say

yes

if it costs bucks

well i would pay

if it costs trust and love

i would give them to you

but would you give them to me?

nothing could guarantee

problems.

2009-05-26T22:12:00.000-07:00

i have no idea

why this is happened

i have no idea

what's going on

everything's ruined up

and the bad news

i can NOT tell anybody

am just not ready

"Now it's gonna get harder and it's gonna burn brighter and it's gonna feel tougher each and every day"

i took the wrong step

it caused i lost somebody

Would it be stupidity if I said I am in love with him?

2009-05-26T05:09:00.000-07:00

i think i am falling in love

AGAIN

i know i have to stop

before i get hurt

AGAIN

if only,

i could stop this feeling

all i got to do

is just sitting

and waiting for 'The One'

but,

we can not

Love is not blind

it makes you blind

and i just cant believe

i've fallen in love

with him

i feel

glad when he was around

and sad when he wasn't there

i love everything about him

and i miss everything about him

when he wasn't here

I get the best feeling in the world

when he says hi to me,

or even smile,

because I know even if just for a second,

I crossed his mind

She's really lucky you know.

who? oh.

the girl he always be with

if only i could scream to this world

that i'm officially in love with him

and no one there would has hurt feeling

i'd scream it to him,

even if i only has 3 last words

i'd scream

I-LOVE-YOU

I'm not sure if i love him

but im completely sure

i don't want to loose him!

and that's pretty much

explain why i have these butterflies on my stomach

whenever he talks to me

i know it

he is crazy

but so what?

he doesn't deserve me?

or I dont deserve him?

you answer

oh gosh, it just aren't making sense

what a day <3

2009-05-26T03:12:00.000-07:00

last night

something huge

has happened

i got my best friend back

or i've found him?

well,

everthing's happened because of a reason

and i love him to death

ladies and gentlemen,

my bestfriend. AULION

and when i arrived at home

from school

about 1 pm

Aulion and Thoib asked me to go with them

and i said yes

and they picked me up

and we went straight

to Mall Of Indonesia

we ate at Ichiban Sushi

and ate a lot of Wasabhi

LOL

and we went to Fun World

and we sang

Wonderful Tonight

I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing

Knocking On Heaven

No Mea Mes

Dancing Queen

we laughed alot

and we met Jovita and Nadya

and we ate for the second time

at Raffle's

and Congrats Thaib for your KAWAT GIGIGIIGIGIGGI

and we back home

and i feel tired

bye bitch

i am a writer, but the writer doesnt always can write down what's happening with her heart

2009-05-25T04:00:00.000-07:00

my ears were listening to music while my heart caught this feeling

broken hearted.

broken heart doesnt always mean

somebody left me or i lost someone

being a totally loner

does mean broken hearted

because, when your heart is broken

there's nobody to help you collect the pieces

"I'd swim the ocean for you"- Kelsey, Metro Station

a sentence that has been noted in my heart

if only a man say this to me

my heart would complete its pieces by itself

if only i lived in a movie-life

movie-life always promises happy ending

and that is what i want

if only i already known, who is my Mr. Right

i would be somewhere with him

not here, writing this lonely ahead me

hey You, if only you were not with her now,

maybe right now we were sitting

under the stars, cuddling each other

and now we're in love

if only, everything going ruled by me

i would make you mine

and know that we are at the last chapter

the happy ending

but there is only one director

and the director cannot be the actor

life is all about the choices

which one you decide

be the director

or the actor

sucking with cigarette, sitting at the corner of the room, looking at them, and they don't realized that you are there. feels suck

2009-05-24T05:13:00.000-07:00

i caught myself

sitting alone

sucking with cigarette

another cigarettes

while they were having fun

laughing at each other

without notice I was there too

and the bad side is

there was my best friend too

or maybe, people who-i-called-best-friend

dissapointed

angry

incredulous

all mixed together

and all i get from this

that he is NOT someone i've been looking for

perhaps?

and i'm about to tell you what happened yesterday night, so stay tuned

yesterday about 11 AM, Beany came to my house while i was sleeping and he ruled my computer of and kind of wanted to ruin it. playing with him untill the clock shows 2 PM and we went straight to Kelapa Gading Mall and spending some times. first, we went to Cold Stone which one of my dream for this time, and we went to book store, Beany wanted to buy some comics. and blablabla we went to Farmer's Market, i went along with him wanted to buy a some kind of man parfumme that smells like chocolate. well of all you know. AXE. rofl. and blablabla i forgot what we've done after and Niko texted me that he was there too and am so glad to meet him. i miss him badly anyway. and guess what? he was there with my ex-crush. he celebrated his 3 months anniversary with his gf anyway. and his girlfriend was there too. that was bad, and what makes my mood even worse is that i passed by and i saw them looking so great. blablabla. we met Ica and Maruf and they joined blablabla we stopped at Bengawan Solo. ica bought hot green tea remains he was sick yesterday and i bought simply caramel who got finished by Beany. ang i got to buy something and Beany went with me, we went to Watson's, a place about everything girl's. and Beany just got caught by his friends shopped at Watson's and Beany got ashmed, Beany got ashmed, and i laughing out loud. evertything was clear and we walked outside so we could watch the carnaval was going. at the middle we went to dairy queen and bought a hot dog. and went back to the carnaval. we drowned at a human-sea. and blablablabla it's time to FIRE WORKS. it's so deep for me, and when Beany said, "Malem ini panjang ya" his sentence has been noted in my brain. i love that sentence. but once again, i will never tell him -.- and when our energy gone to the lowest point, we decided to back home, belle's. we picked to walk by foot. we passed by on Mcd Drive Thru and that's some kind of remains me of some thing :P and we stopped on Dunkin Donut and bought some drinks for us. and continued to walk. that night really left me beautiful memory before i leave this school. until i figured out that someone that WILL ruin my day, mood, everything was there too. and yep true, she ruined everything. and before we went to belle's house. we stopped at branch and did 'something' :P LOL THIS ONE WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN REALLY. and today wasn't really excited actually, yesterday was the best <3

it's weird, i love and hate you at the same time. doesn't it great?! you got the double attack!

2009-05-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

who said i could speak engslih fluently?

perfectly?

i have a totally bad english

with poor grammar

and i break the rules

well i'm sorry

to not writing english properly

but who are you to stop me

i'm still earning words to make it complete

.a-not-so-important-blog.

i read a recipe book. i looked one of the recipe, 'how to be beautiful'. and the secret recipe is..

2009-05-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

Confident.

is an old story by the way,

but it stuck on my mind

until today,

when i write this

it's a good story

and it really happen.

it really happen

on my life

it happen when i went to some kind of weeding party

and i wear a not-so-good dress

i didn't even dress up

i was totally not dolled up

and when i enjoyed the party

i noticed there was a girl

stared at me

she is maybe around 8 or 10 years old

she's a fat, darked skin, messy hair, and with a really low confident girl

it looked by the way she stand

her eyes seemed like ,

"i'm not like you, i'm not like the other normal girl, i'm a fugly"

then,

a woman walked to me, she smiled at me, gave me her hands

waiting for me to grab her hands and shake them

and i did

and i wondered, who is she.

and the fact, she knew me.

and i asked who is she

and she answered, "i'm the momma of that girl" pointed at her,

that girl who stared at me

and i handed over her a glass of pudding and we start to chated

she explained, why her daughter really shy

so i looked at that girl

yes she is

she even wasn't brave enough to looked straight to my eyes

and her momma just told me

that she, a girl who stared at me

adore me so much

just because

when i was a kid

i looked really like her

we look so similiar

i bet we separated at birth. haha

and she adore the way i talk

the way i stand

the way i scream to this world that,

"YES I AM BEAUTIFUL"

and her momma, just told me she stole some of my kid photos

which i thought a secret admirerwho did that. haha

she asked, how to look so confident with

a round face, fat body, and dark skin

and i answered

just believe in your self, and thank God for everything

if you believe in your self that you are beautiful

then, you are

for, those who haven't believe in yourselves yet

sincerely,

xoxo AFFYEAHEROINE <3

is it ironic? when a kid come to her momma, and ask for the most bitter-est candy just to know how his excrush's smile tastes like?

2009-05-20T01:49:00.000-07:00

i read one of his wall

you know, my ex-crush

and read somone

a girl

wrote how friends of her like him so much

ans she also explained how good-loking is he

that's true

i mean, he DOES have a really good-looking face

and also a goddamn cool personality

that could makes girl melt at one twinkle in the eye

his wink feels like a fresh air

that could blow my hairspayed-hair

and his smile like the most expensive and the sweetest candy

that makes everybody would saving more money to taste his smile

and so am i

i'm murdered at his first smile

and he killed me when he said

"honey" to me

i felt my heart stop beating

but now,

his wink feels like

a rock

that always ready to hit me up

whenever there's a small chance

and his smile feels like

the most bitter-est of all the candies

no, i never taste that bitter-est candy

because he

NEVER

give me

that bitter smile

never

give

smile

and that killed me

same as when he called me as "honey"

but this time was different

he killed me with his bloddy sight

which looks like, "i'm gonna kill you because of that, bitch"

and

that

bloody sight

gives me

nightmare

every

single day

it's weird when you wonder about you were one of the hollywood whore. just wanna order chicken nuggets on Mcd, thousand papz will be there too. scary

2009-05-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

as usual, got nothing to write

but my fingers is on the mood to type

perhaps, my fingers and the keyboard is like falling in love with each other

yes, they are

listening to Metro Station

singing Shake It, acoustic on youtube.

Live

but the crowd ruins it

and i feel like wanna throm them with a bowl full of douche

just kidding, i'm not that hyper

Beany.

2009-05-19T02:59:00.000-07:00

one of my idioty as lamb friend named Bintang. a kid who could Fly. or maybe a kid who's WISHING to Fly. his brain is like an alian ate it. he's some kind of soda, he popping all the time. my dumbest enemies, and it's so tiring to start a conversation with him, his brain will never upload it. he got a cow brain and a bean face. which makes me call him Bean. he kinda remain me to Mr.Bean and Mitchell Davis. but NO mitchell davis is waaaaaaaaay toooooooo cool. he always says bad stuff about what i like, but i bet HE DOESNT REALLY MEAN IT. RIGHT HUH BEAN?! when the time go bored, he always annoys me by MSN. and i feel like my world is going to collapse everytime his name shows at bottom of my windows say, "fab, bored" aw fuck. jk LOL. he always claim himself as a good-looking-handsome-boy-who-could-fly and thats pretty annoys me.

Beany,
a-cow-brained-and-a-bean-faced-who-always-trying-to-fly-but-will-never-happen-bcause-his-dumb-brain-is-way-too-heavy

xoxo, affyeaheroine

i've seen so much fake friends, i've even handled them. that's why its so tiring, "You are my bestfriendforever i promise" for those fake.

2009-05-19T00:47:00.000-07:00

"Remember that every good friend was once a stranger"

I found a stranger who once was my chair mate. Became my best friend now. It’s just weird when we remember that time

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out" -Walter Winchell

I’ve been there, when the rest of the world walks out. When everybody leave me alone just because a stupid rumor. And there was a boy stand still waving his hand to me and his eyes say, “it’s okay, I’m still here” and that’s when we became best friend.

"A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else." - Len Wein

I spend my whole day helping him and he just don’t realize how much times I spend because of him.

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

I am always trying to listen to his heart beat, trying to analyze what his every single heartbeat means, but that feels useless. When I try to sing the beats back to you, you just say all of them are wrong.

"Best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. False friends are like leaves, found everywhere."- Anonymous

I’m trying to be your diamond, but it feels like you don’t need any diamond. And I’m trying swipe leaves around you, and it feels like you don’t care about dropped leaves surrounded you.

"Friendship is talking to your best friend without words."

I always feel like that, and all you think is, ‘wtf, she is deaf?!’

"What is a friend? A single soul in two bodies." - Aristotle

I always try to put in my mind, my soul broken into 2 pieces. And you made it like I’ve found it. I thought you are my other piece. But it seems like your soul isn’t broken yet, and you don’t need a piece of a broken soul.

"Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life.

I thought you are my secret ingredient, but when I taste my life. The taste just doesn’t fit me. Doesn’t fit me at all.

"Friends are born, not made."
- Henry Adams

He’s born, but I feel like am still waiting for my someone's birth

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them; I'd be at the bottom to catch them"

When I jumped off a bridge, there is no one standing there to catch me. And I feel like dying. Yes, he came, but he’s just too late.

"A person is only complete when she has a true friend to understand her, to share all her passions and sorrows with, and to stand by her throughout her life."

I feel like I’m not complete yet, and I need somebody to complete myself. I just can’t work it all by myself. I thought you’ll be there to help me carry those pieces of me, but you just sit there, yelling “go affy go affy!” but you do nothing.

"You cannot say you've lost a friend. If a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed."

Is our friendship feel like it never existed? Why? I poured myself into it, and let myself drowned and it never existed?! Well, maybe it’s right. I’m the one who want more and more, and never think that maybe you need nobody.

i played this song for about 23 times in a row and still playing, and my heart keep beats faster. what a song

2009-05-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

it's 'The Climb' by Miley Cyrus.

i dont really into her. but no, i trully dont hate her. but lately, i just noticed that she is really awesome. she's the bomb ;P she's rock, and the most, she has everything the other doesnt. she is a trully good girl and she makes it looks cool. and she got her own style and thats why she could stand up and speak up.

am listening to this song right now, and i've played it about 23 times in a row. and still playing. yes, this song got me. this song gave me a real spritual strength that makes my heart beats faster every single time i put my ear on youtube and played this song. it makes me realized how worthless to cry when some rocks hit my road, but hey i still have another road to get to what i want. failure means nothing, "sometime i'm gonna have to lose" yup, 100 for her, she's right. nobody could get success without ever once fail. nobody. "but i gotta keep trying, gotta keep my head held high" thats the point, never be shame about being failed. the people who cant value at failure. he never can value at success.

i think she about to be my new role model now.

i just cant find what the right word is to describe how am so proud of him, ladies and gentlemen. AULION!

2009-05-15T17:04:00.000-07:00

i just noticed i never post this video. just watch, subscribe, and make my bestfriend happy. click right here.

you give him a comment. worth nothing to you, worth a thousand smile for him

you subsribe him, worth a smile for you, but a billion hugs for him

so why are you still reading my blog? go straight to here. tell me if you give something to him, i'll return the favor! =] and here is his blogspot

thanks xoxo, affyeaheroine.

do you think every princess out there live happily ever after? raise your hands if the answer is yes.

2009-05-15T03:11:00.000-07:00

99% raise their hands, and 1% says no. and who's right? the 1%

i didnt say princess will never be happy.
everybody, even the sinner will.
but i mean, princess has the bigger change to be unhappy.
their parents give them less care and more money.
that's what am tasting right now.

i need my father now,
i mean he doesnt go away or move.
but i do feel like am losing him beside me.
i knew, i should support him with his new activities or whatever.
but does he realize how i miss him so Fing much?

i need him to go to my school and free me from teacher's prison
i need to see him when i just go back from school, and see him watch newsfeed on TV
i need him to ask me how to email
i need him to carry off the computer when i using it
i trully need him

and when i started to cry
i am kinda scared i will cant hold on it again
and when i start to drop my tears
i scared i will look like an alien
with a big teary ball in her eyes

i hope it's about 4 AM
so, someone will knock at the door
and i just know that it is him,
my daddy
and i will get up from my bed and run staright to him for a big damn hug

sometimes, i just need him

2009-05-12T23:23:00.000-07:00

Emo Kids: “We can wait until we can go to that concert and cry at the black abyss that life has bought to our heart.”
Scene Kids: “We cannot wait to go to that concert and have fun in the mosh pit.”

can you catch the difference? am wondering am i label-ed as one of them? i mean, many friends say i am emo or scene or whatever. yess i do like scene stuff and i think emo guys are deadly cute. yes i admit. but do i have to label myself? am wondering maybe am a bit dooming myself to become a bit scene like, i wear tight black jeans, neon tshirt, and sneakers and blablabla listening to scene/emo music, too emotional, take anything more seriously just like an emo does, and am more on myspace. but am i scene or emo? i cant answer. i mean, this post just to clear it out for ppls call me emo or scene. well, being one of them is not bad, i mean, they are cool i think, but because of their... what? coolness? yeah whateverblabla i think am not cool enough to become one of them. am enjoying myself for who i am. anyhow thanks from labeling my self as an emo or maybe scene.

"what time is it" "uhm i don't know" "you wearing a watch, dont you?" "uhm yeah, but i totally blind about it" "let me see, uhm its ten thirty"

2009-05-12T17:45:00.000-07:00

here i come again, sitting with my stomach ache. and the TV playing a-totally-bad-sound songs. i dont know what the heck is it. and i reading a book, titled, 'what my mother desnt know'. it's bilingual, and its kinda old, not 'that' old. just about 1-2 years ago. i think thats the best book i've read esp the english section. by Sonya Sones. she's so good at writing her life written in simple poems.

you kissed her lips, and i kissed someone else. pretend that he is you. however, yours will never be same, and am missing yours.

2009-05-12T02:12:00.000-07:00

those pictures are bonuses.

whoa, i'm sitting here, still wondering how flat my life now. no love, no boy, no problem, hm i mean, well i have. problem with my juniors. but yess, i do not care. furthermore it wont distroy my life. so why i have to take action? nah, i wont. and yess, i feel nothing. my feeling is all messed up, and i cant help myself to fix it, its like i need someone else i could count on. i used to easily trust on someone, but after some incident, left me a double-extra trauma, it means i turned to hardly count on someone. i totally a loner now, besides i'm having mucho best-friends none of them i fully trust. i keep all my thoughts on this blog. thats why i feel so blessed about my blog. ROFL. but hey, i love this blog. i would be a cry-baby if someone hack this acc, and i'm gonna throw a bowl full of douche. LOL. okay back to the topic.... huuh, i just realize do i have topic in this post, i guess not.

it's strange, i used to wish like anything that he'd want to spend every minute with me. but now, i dont even now who the hell is he.

2009-05-11T21:50:00.000-07:00

whoa. nothing too special happen today, except the sun burning the world too hot, and my teacher want to put me into a prison cell, and how i try to escape from him. and i feel so fing bored. i went to school, hoping something huge will happen, because you know, my life is so flat lately. am hoping something huge will happen and change my life, but in fact, nothing happened. and urgh i feel like "WTF". random thing that happen to me is, am wishing to become a highlander. just because my skin would get brighter easily. dumb, i know. and i'm wondering why people in Indonesia still trying to become a facebook-whore by having a thousand and blablabla friends and ides and grafitti. cmon, get a life man. its weird when you change your status to 'in a relationship' and in seconds your friends will comment, and who get the first to have the greatest number of blablabla-not-so-important-comments will claim theirselves they are popular. pathetic. and when the other got the higher number, they will cry and think they arent 'that' popular. whoa how pathetic they are, dont think about what would happen in the future, and rather to think about how many friends theyre having on facebook. so, i'm not surprise Jakarta wont be better, if 90% of teenagers still begging to God for having more thousands friends ON FACEBOOK. and i bet 100 bucks, they dont even know 60% of their friends on facebook.

admit it, am i right?

to start a friendship is like a simple 'Hi'. but to keep a friendship is like? uhm. kill an alien i think. give them your best weapon

2009-05-09T04:29:00.000-07:00

whoa what a day

here i am, sitting in front of my computer, dringking a glass of not-so-good cow milk, wearing Bintang's god-damn-cool-green-tees (i'll never tell him about my crush on his tshirt). and with a Fing excited face which i hate, just arrived from shopping groceries. i bought new shampoo, hairspray, foam, deodorant.

i went to Ardi's home at Menteng with friends. Bintang, Icha, Darin to make such a great videos.
we bought five can of oil color and bintang brought five color of piloxs. when we stopped on a gas station, i bought a popcorn and bintang ate it like he never did. time we arrived, Ardi cooked Bacon, sramble eggs, sausage for us. we ate like pink pigs. we danced in green park, danced like sex machines. Ica recorded us with his brand new handycam, with slow motion effects. we looked like shaked bottles. and we started to paint ardi's wall, we decided to paint houses or maybe, things look like houses or maybe town or duh i dont have idea what is it like. it came rain when we were painting a half of ardi's wall. and we just continue painting like nothing happen. and when the rain's getting harder. i moved to better place before i get really wet. Bintang and Icha continued like idiots. done with painting the boys took shower and i waited with my mouth full of popcorn. when my turn to take bath comes. i took Bintang's tshirt and went to bathroom, and when i opened the door to take my tshirt left, i saw bintang and icha dancing and NAKED. they looked so gay. done with wet bodies, we ate, we slept, and we took pictures. done with everything we went home. I and Bintang went home to superindo. i bought him ice cream, he ate it like a monster found a new kid to his lunch, and he waited for me to my mother pick me up. and so do i.

what a day =3

broken hearted is the worst feeling. i think its kinda like niagara fall. flowing until you dont have any idea where the heck you are

2009-05-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

Here I am, sitting in front of my F class. Using Aqila's blackberry, laying like a mess, feeling so lonely, don't know what should do, keep writing this pain ahead me, wanting something better but don't know what is it, speaking misspell words, blahblahblah-ing, waiting for nothing, and broken hearting.
What a pitty. Am tired and barely could breath. But helpless. I don't have idea what am writing here, my fingers like can't stop typing and my brain is like always know what the next word is. I need a hug, I need a kiss, I need a Love. I hate my figure, I hate my personality, I hate the terrible me. I'm listening to Metro Station, Vespertine, November Blessing, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Saosin, BMTH, Funeral for a friend. They are the top of my playlist on IPod right now, and maybe forever. I love them. I'm missing my friends besides am sitting with them directlty. Am brainless

Cocaine, never combine with heroin. will fuck you up for life

2009-05-07T02:13:00.000-07:00

whoa, here i come
me, Affyeaheroine with my super duper brand new blog.

lets start a new story.

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boo